Stories, Success & Stuff: Episode 07 Mentors

Stories, Success & Stuff Episode 7 Mentors

Stories, Success & Stuff: Episode 07 Mentors

By: siarza_admin
Date: 14 Jul 2023

Ever wondered why some people seem to grow faster and achieve more? Could it be they have some secret weapon? The answer is likely a resounding yes, and that weapon is a mentor. This episode pulls the curtain back on the transformative power of mentorship. Kristelle and Jace unpack how a good mentor can be a guiding light, holding a vision for us when it’s clouded by our self-doubt, and offering sound advice with no selfish gains.

Choosing the right mentor isn’t accidental; it involves careful thought and strategy. We explore how to spot an ideal mentor – someone who embodies what you aspire to be. But it’s not just about spotting; it’s also about approaching them aptly. We also discuss how to recognize a bad mentor.

Tune in for a fun conversation on mentorship, and discover how it can be the game-changer in your personal and professional journey!

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A Siarza Production
Hosted by Kristelle Siarza and Jace Downey
Executive Producer: Kristelle Siarza
Producer: Jace Downey
Videographer/Editor: Justin Otsuka

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About Stories, Success & Stuff:

Are you feeling stuck in your career, relationships, or life in general? Join Siarza CEO Kristelle Siarza and adversity alchemist Jace Downey as they explore the bullshit of success and excitement of failure. They’ll dive into stories from their own lives to provide a glimmer of hope and a reminder that whatever you’re experiencing, you are not alone. Through funny anecdotes and compelling conversations, they’ll show you that you have the power to create your own destiny. Tune in and learn how you can explore and shift the paths of life that lead to true fulfillment. This is an inspiring podcast about shifting paths, stumbling to success and creating a life you can fall in love with. So grab a cup of your favorite brew, put on your comfiest clothes, and prepare for untamed stories of success and stuff!

Episode Transcript (unedited)

Jace: 0:00

One of the things that I’ve found to be most important in a mentor is they hold a vision and a belief for us. When we can’t have it yet, maybe when we think it’s too big, when we never saw it for ourselves, they see it and hold it until we can. 

Kristelle: 0:13

And they don’t judge you either. So today we’re talking about something important, but first off, story success and stuff in terms of the start of it, I wanted to thank everybody that’s been watching. Jason and I have been incredibly humbled and grateful. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been incredibly humbled and grateful Absolutely For everybody that’s been listening. We realized it’s not just our moms listening, but also thank you mom, thank you mom, thank you mom. There’s been some really phenomenal feedback. We’ll get to the set change here in a second, but we should definitely mention we’ve heard people binging that’s yeah. 

Jace: 1:02

We’re officially deemed binge worthy. That’s pretty cool. I’m waiting for my contract from Netflix on that one. I was gonna talk to you about an agent. Yeah, okay. 

Kristelle: 1:10

So we are. We’ve been binged on. People have just given us incredible feedback on the look and the feel. 

Jace: 1:18

Yeah, some things have changed as well it wasn’t all praise, which is great. 

Kristelle: 1:21

We asked for it. 

Jace: 1:22

We wanna do this Well. We wanna serve you guys well. We want to talk about stuff that’s helpful, yeah. 

Kristelle: 1:27

And now we feel like we can finally have even better connection, which is why we kind of changed the set a little bit. We’re in the Siarza conference room behind some really great, a lot of really great ideas, and a lot of creative brainstorming happens in this room. So what a natural fit. And a lot of shit. Like a lot of shit, which is perfect for this podcast, because it seems like what we talk about anyways. Like a lot like unpacking everything. 

Jace: 1:51

It’s a working space and we’re making it work. I will include some behind the scene photos on our social media, which, if you’re not following us there yet or following this podcast, please do that. That helps us know one what platforms you all want it. On the subject matter, you enjoy hearing if it’s worth continuing to do so. You engaging, following all of that stuff, not for our egos, not so we can tell our moms we’re bent worthy, but so that we actually know what to continue doing. 

Kristelle: 2:18

For sure, and I think the people that I’ve been listening have been really fascinating, which is a good segue into what today’s topic is. I think it’s super cool that a lot of the people that have been binging on this are professionals just like us, and they’re like you’re authentic, you’re raw, you tell it like it is, as your friend, friend of mine, cisto Beta I know you’re probably listening said this is exactly what we all wanted to hear and I said now, I can never run for politics, cisto, but it is what it is. I agree Opposite, I don’t know. Don’t be that person. Everybody’s been like you should run for office. I was like that’s a terrible idea. I’m very supportive of this. I appreciate that we can tackle that for it. 

Jace: 3:06

I was like I’m gonna do my whole own podcast on why Crystal should be in more places in the world. You guys can’t see behind me, but there’s a whole wall of why she is awesome in our community. I know she and her science is humble. Because that’s the truth, I’m gonna do the brag and I’ll put out that we’re seeing more and more people wanting to know real people. We don’t trust politicians. Why would we? There’s a lot we’ve lost trust in the institution and all of that Having people that we actually know, that are who they are in front of camera or on stage and behind matters to people now. So I think you being open and honest here actually is a positive in the point of having more influence in the world and potentially being in an official position. Capacity, yeah, and that authentic showing upness is key for our subject For today, today. Mentors. 

Kristelle: 4:02

Mentors. So, in fact, one of the people I even when we were preparing for this podcast, one of the people that’s a mentor in my life was going to run for office and we’ll talk about that, which I thought was really nice Tie in into what you’re talking about. But okay, so topic for today mentors, mentorship, mentees very fun, exciting topic who are your mentors? Before that? 

Jace: 4:31

how do you describe a? 

Kristelle: 4:34

mentor. Okay, a mentor to me is somebody that is poised in a way where they might not be an idol. You don’t worship them. What it’s not, what mentors are not to me, are somebody that we don’t worship, somebody that we idolize, right? It’s a person that tells you like it is. It’s a person who says I think you’re gonna go forward or I think you’re gonna go backward. Here’s a critical decision. And it’s the one person you can say I need a piece of advice. That advice has no intention, no benefit to the mentor. The mentor might have already actually experienced it Ideally, Ideally right, or, most importantly, the person has experienced it in a negative fashion, but they’re gonna tell you is this the right thing for me to do, or is this the wrong thing for me to do, or for you to do? Whatever that might be? That’s what I think a mentor is. I don’t know about you. 

Jace: 5:40

Yeah, I would agree with that. I think right off the bat. Jack Donaghy, liz Lemon, 30 Rock one of my favorite shows they’re one of the most classic like fantastic mentor-mentee relationships and it’s a mess and it gets mixed into all areas of life with them problematically so in some regards, but I love them so much and that there can be official mentors and unofficial mentors as well. So I wanna make sure we touch on that also. And people ask me my clients that I work with and they’re like wait, you have a guide, you work with someone. And I’m like yes, of course I work with someone in almost every area of my life. I went from thinking you gotta do it all alone that’s what makes me strong and important to being like why would I do any of this alone? Someone? has already done it before me and can tell me. Here’s what I did and how it messed up. Here are the pitfalls you’re about to come into. Here’s how to do it more realistically. And sometimes I hire those people in an official capacity and sometimes they’re just people in my life as well. So I think that point of that they’re someone who they know you well so they can call you on your stuff, that you’re super honest with that they know the whole picture is really a key part of a mentor and then having the courage as a mentee, to show up. 

Kristelle: 6:56

Sure, yeah, yeah, um. So you bring up a good question. Um, you know what does a bad mentor look like? You know, I I really want to brag about, I know that we have some stories to tell, but I really, I really want to make a point because I’ve actually experienced bad mentors and it was never their intention to be a bad mentor. It was just not great advice at the time, not knowing their situation, what’s happening in their life, what’s happening with them professionally, etc. And I think a bad mentor is like kind of what we were saying before, like they they’re manipulating you. And there are actually some people that are out there that are like we want you to be my minion because I want you to be successful, but when I say I want you to be successful, I want you to be like me. Terrible mentor, terrible, terrible mentor or mentorship Right, absolutely. Have you ever experienced a bad mentor, mentoring, bad advice? 

Jace: 7:55

Bad advice? Yes, yes, I have. Yeah, and in a point where I’m like this is dangerous, what you’re telling me, this is not good advice and I have the wherewithal to go, oh, nope, not doing that. Yeah, but I think about other people who are not familiar, and this is a skill being a mentee is a skill. Or working with a therapist or a guide of any kind. There’s actually beneficial ways to do it and then naive ways to do it that aren’t necessarily beneficial, and so I have heard things that are very dangerous, especially when I work with people with sex addiction and recovery stuff, even things that people in official capacities therapists and things are telling them are dead wrong and they are shameful and harmful, and I’m always like whoa, whoa, no, no, no, no, no, no. So, yes, they are, and I don’t. For the most part, they’re not malicious. The biggest area I see is sexual corruption. I was just talking to someone the other day and they were saying, like my person that I’ve hired in this situation hit on me, oh, no, and that happens so often. So I know we’re going to touch on like how to find a good mentor and things to look on and things like that. Because, yes, absolutely. There are people who do it well or responsibly and people who are irresponsible and who are irresponsible. 

Kristelle: 9:09

Yeah, no, we so see ours as an agency. You know, we full service, right, public relations, advertising, social media, digital, etc. Website design, development. And sometimes we get these phone calls where people said you know, I don’t want you to necessarily do the work for me, Can you just give me some advice or can you be a mentor? To our team we say absolutely. There’s a couple times where we’ve even said I don’t think you actually need us anymore. Yeah, meaning the mentor relationship really doesn’t need to be there, because what is it? The student has become the teacher. Let’s make a karate kid reference when we can. Hello, yeah, so that’s part, you know. Part number one. Part number two is with mentorship and being a mentee. Resources are always, sometimes limited, right. So for a company that’s looking for mentorship and marketing, which is what ultimately CRS has done over the years, we don’t want them to be wasting their money, right, let’s just give them free advice, or give them the advice that they need and let them be on their way, because, like from a video perspective, we don’t want them to make a $20,000 commercial if we know that the commercial is not the right fit for them to actually get a lead right. And so there’s a couple times where we’ve even had to walk away from like that connection of a mentor-mentee relationship, because it’s just not going to be beneficial for them. It will be incredibly beneficial for us, but not for them. So and that’s happened, that’s responsible mentorship. 

Jace: 10:38

Yeah, oh, 100% being able to say like that’s not my wheelhouse or that you don’t need this. In my opinion, it’s like when you take your car to the mechanic and they tell you we’re not gonna fix anything, you could need this. But it’s like a year down the road when that other mechanic who’s like, oh, here’s the $6 million things you need fixed that other mechanic you better believe I’m gonna go to him for everything. His words are in the right place. Yeah, who has the who’s gonna be honest with me and say you don’t need this right now? 

Kristelle: 11:05

Sure yeah, talk about your mentors in your life. 

Jace: 11:09

Oh my goodness. I Current and past I might cry. I love my mentor so much. We met in Austin and before I met her I heard of her from all of these different communities I was getting. I was like starting my second business and I was in all of these networking communities and I was going to all the events and I kept hearing Wendy Irwin, wendy Irwin, wendy Irwin, and the stories and how she’s helped people and all of this stuff. And then one day I walk into Toastmasters and who’s there? But Wendy Irwin. And I was like, oh my goodness, this is actually the person that I’ve been hearing all of these things about. And she had her own mastermind group and I thought, well, I’m gonna go check it out. And I’m, you know, I didn’t meet her yet, or yeah, I’m gonna go check it out. So I go and there’s a group of us and it’s for women, it’s a women mastermind, and there’s agendas on the table. And here’s Wendy. It was like, okay, let’s go ahead and get started and we’re gonna do this. And people were like, but that’s not what’s on the agenda. It says first, we’re doing these things. And like they’re in a panic because she’s going off book and she takes the piece of paper and she goes oh this agenda, is that that’s bothering you? And just crumples it up and throws it over her shoulder and it’s like now let’s get started. And I was like this lady, this is someone I wanna talk to. So I got to know her in the community and indeed the woman, the myth, the legend type of thing and then I brought her on. Initially I hired her, I paid her money to mentor, to help me with business stuff. But it went so much more than that. We went so much deeper. Like you know the whole, like there is no spoon, and you come to realize the barriers and boundaries you thought were in existence for yourself and the world Don’t have to be there. Like she completely changed my life in every possible way. She’s one of the most amazing people I’ve ever known and she’s still around. Oh yes. However, our relationship has shifted, so we had a set amount of time. It was also the time I could afford, because it’s what I have to invest in this for now and in that, and because of our connections in other places as speakers and whatnot. We developed a friendship. It’s cool. Yeah, and now we actually the retreat that I had co-facilitated in February was with her Cool, and we had other people that have come into the mix. And so now, instead of it being this one-sided relationship, it’s a back and forth where she’ll hit me up and be like hey, I need you to guide me on this. And so we’ve developed into a very intimate friendship and when I know I need my blind spots shown to me, I need someone in my life who is gonna call me out on it and not worry about it hurting my feelings. She’s the first person I hit up and I always keep my own mind about me, of course, but if she tells me to try something or do something, it’s very likely I’m gonna do it, because she’s built that trust and respect with me over the years and she always is like I think I got more out of our sessions than you did. My old jokes. I was like can I have my money back then? Yeah, not really, I would pay. That was like one of the best investments that I made for myself. 

Kristelle: 14:22

How old were you when you started working with her? 

Jace: 14:25

I was gosh in my late 20s. I must have been yeah, or maybe 30. Yeah, yeah, it’s been several years now. I’m like that can’t possibly be true. Yeah. 

Kristelle: 14:39

That’s exciting that you have a mentor that you idolized at first. So my mentor and while we were kind of preparing for this podcast, I said, oh, it’s finally the episode where I’m gonna cry again. I like spoiler alert, right? So Adelamar Alcantara is very well known as the state’s demographer. I don’t think you’ve heard this story, but definitely the staff has heard this story. Some folks here have. And DeDeli, as we all called her in the Filipino community, was the second mom to me. So I was curious to see how old were you when you had your mentor? So my mentor met me when I was 15, or I met her when I was 15. And my dad Googled Filipinos in New Mexico because he couldn’t find any other Filipinos here, and he found Adelamar Alcantara and what he said was she came over to the house the next day, had lunch and she just had this aura about herself that I somehow have accidentally emulated, where if you sit in the room, everybody’s quiet because they gravitate towards her energy. And she was very poised. She was very, very outspoken, as her husband used to say, and very right to the point, but also very Filipino, right, very homie, very caring, very giving. But she met me when she was 15. What I didn’t realize is that her 18-year-old son had died about a year and a half before we had met. So what I never realized throughout high school is that she kind of adopted me as a kiddo, if you will. And so she went to. Her son went to Albuquerque Academy. I went to La Cueva my high school sweetheart was from my academy as well that played the trumpet. Her son played the saxophone. It was just like how could we have just known to be in each other’s life. In fact, she was the first person to tell me, crystal, you should go to this conference and we want you to go to this conference so you can speak about Filipino American identity. I was 16, presenting at a historical conference because of her. And she goes, crystal, you pretty much wrote your dissertation. I was like what’s that? 

Jace: 17:01

What’s that? So that was Is it bad? Am I in trouble? Yeah, I’m like. Was I supposed to? 

Kristelle: 17:06

do that? That sounds very medical, Right. And so what she was actually doing was she gave me a task as a mentor, ultimately telling me start to discover your identity. So that was my mentorship life with her when I was in high school, and then I had my son at 21. Some of you remember me mentioning that whole episode, the 2008 episode, right, yes, our stories, Our stories. And so she played a part of that. Because I got pregnant when I was so young that I didn’t know who to tell. So I told her, and so her and her husband came over to my house to help me tell my dad, because I was scared, shitless. And so she was there for me during a tough time. And then afterwards, during the custody situation, she was the one who told me hey, Crystal, you should think about getting your bachelor’s degree again. So I did so. I got my bachelor’s degree at 26. And then we went to lunch again. She goes you should get your masters, and I said what’s that? She goes you know masters in business? And I said, okay, so I got my MBA because of her. And then afterwards, at my graduation, she said you should get your doctorate, and I said absolutely not. 

Jace: 18:09

I was just gonna ask do you just like whatever she says? Okay, I’m gonna go do that. It was the only thing I ever said no to. 

Kristelle: 18:15

Yeah you don’t need that. Yeah, it was so funny because she even told me there’s two big things that I remember, two or three big things. So number one was what should I do with my son? She goes you should think about. Everybody has their own version of education for their kids. She said you should really think about a private school. So we actually, if it wasn’t for her encouraging me to think about financial aid, jonathan would have gotten to Boskie School if it wasn’t for her. That was part number one. And another piece of advice she also told me was in sometimes, institutions can leave you alone so you can open up a company. See, arza wouldn’t have been around if it wasn’t for her encouraging me and in fact, she almost hired us. And then the third one I thought was the one that really I remember going through therapy about losing her. She passed away in 2019. And what she told me was what helped me really learn how to find the right person, the love in your life. So I asked her randomly I said how did you know your husband was the one? And she said because I didn’t. I didn’t have to babysit his ego. Can you get a pen and you have one in your clothes. Can I need to take some notes here? I should, you’re not. That’s what she said she said I never had a husband. 

Jace: 19:33

I never had a husband. 

Kristelle: 19:35

I never had a husband, she said. I never had to babysit his ego. I knew he was the one because he made me laugh. He supported me and I never felt like I had to be somebody else. I could be me because I never had to babysit his ego. I love it. And a mentor would do that for you. Yes, Tell like this. What she was ultimately telling me was get the shit out of your current relationship, but at the same time, it helped me identify who was the one. So fast forward 2019,. She passed away from a heart attack and she ended up creating the New Mexico Asian Family Center in 2006. So when she created the New Mexico Asian Family Center, fast forward, the pandemic happened. I actually continued to learn from her as my mentor by retracing the steps as to how she created the New Mexico Asian Family Center during the pandemic, so I could help found ABC. So a good mentor even is impactful in the afterlife. I was at her eulogy when I was on the floor for the New Mexico House and Senate. The people that she would have ran with, the people that would have been in her political class, were there as well, and we all knew that even as New Mexico declared Asian American Day. Even the mayor would say this about Auntie Deli. Her presence has always felt, no matter where we are in the community, and she was such a matriarch to everybody in the Asian community. So that’s my mentor in it. That’s why I was really excited to talk about it. But at the same time, when we talk about politics, when we talk about a lot of the decisions, I want to be who I am without her. Yeah. 

Jace: 21:24

What I’m hearing and one of the things that I’ve found to be most important in a mentor is they hold a vision and a belief for us. When we can’t have it yet, Maybe when we think it’s too big or we never saw it for ourselves, they see it and hold it until we can, and they don’t judge you either. Absolutely not. No, they don’t. There’s something different calling you out and being critical and judging. Calling me out is a loving thing, especially when I’m saying, hey, what am I not seeing here? And? Or, in my case, I have a lot of patterns and I just repeat them. And the older I get, the more I’m like oh, this is the pattern, I want to disrupt it and I don’t know how. And then going to someone who can be on the outside and see the whole picture instead of being caught in it, which is what I’ve done at that point, that’s so helpful. And they’re not judging, they’re not like you’re in this pattern again. Really, you haven’t learned yet. It’s like okay, great, what do we know about this? And what I’m hearing that Auntie Deli did was give you the tools to continue the mentor relationship with yourself. 

Kristelle: 22:26

Not only that, too, but I think, going back to the person that you were with your mentor, remind me her name again Wendy. Wendy, you matched frequencies. One could be a high frequency, a low frequency, but the pattern of the beats that you had in your life was very similar. She matched mine right. She was always busy, always traveling, and I think one of the big indicators is that her sadness was something that drove her for change. She lost her son to a horrific car accident and so, instead of continually to grieve which she will always grieve she would do two things. Number one, she took her pain and turned it into action. Sounds familiar. She took her pain and turned it into action. She created and changed the laws against prosecuting those that are in hit and run accidents, which is what unfortunately had happened with her son. And then, on the flip side, another thing that was really fascinating about her is that she had a constantly busy schedule. Constantly busy schedule Sounds very familiar, but she never forgot to call and check in, and that’s a responsibility of a mentor. That even me, in my age and where I’m at, to others in the profession of the trade. I do my part in making sure that I check in with my mentee or somebody I consider a mentee, so that way they know that I’m thinking about them. It might not be right away, it might not be six months, six days, but at least I’m following up with them and saying how are you doing Right? I don’t know if yours did, but you might have just naturally gravitated, because that’s the speed that you all operate on. 

Jace: 24:15

I’m trying to think now, and when I am in a guide role, I mean I’m hired to consult or guide professionally and so that’s. In that situation I don’t reach out to them. In my mind it’s on, it’s their responsibility to get in contact with me and that I’m not gonna invest more in them than they are. So if they’re not taking the steps to do what they’ve agreed to do or whatever, I’m not gonna do the work for them. I am not a handholder. I’m not a sugarcoater. I’m a loving, soft person. I live a heart centered life, but I’m not a handholder. I’m not gonna drag you along. I will hold the vision for you, but I’m gonna be over here holding it and welcome you into it and however long it takes. But I don’t know that I check on people, and now it’s been so many years because she and I have been friends now for so many years. She’s checking in on you. She does now, but now it’s our relationship is very different. So I’m trying to remember back, like when we were in the official capacity, when that was her designated role. 

Kristelle: 25:17

But is it, though, like? Is the relationship different? Because you’re going to ask for advice from her? 

Jace: 25:22

Oh, I’m just saying, but now she asks of me too, like now. She just went through something really tough and I’m checking in on her every day as a friend. So it’s like now things have blossomed into so much more than what it started as. And I think that’s. It’s like Jack and Liz. You know, they get married Like they just you know, like accidentally no spoiler alert they don’t get married for realsies, but so I think that is a healthy part of a mentor mentee relationship is that it grows as you do and that the mentor is growing as well. Like not one day, like she would be so upset if I’m saying like the woman, the myth, the legend, and like you know, hyping her up because she is, but she would not. She’s like you, no matter what she achieves or how amazing she becomes, she is like just super chill about all of it. And so she’s never once acted like she doesn’t have flaws or that she’s not struggling or figuring something out. She’s never put herself above, and I think when we’re talking about positive mentors, negative mentors, that’s a really important piece. If someone’s telling me, I’ve got it all figured out and you have a problem, and I’m, the solution run To me that is all of the red flags coming up simultaneously. 

Kristelle: 26:35

You break up. A good point, though, and the point is how mentors always have a grounding element to them. There’s definitely times when I’m at ABC or I’ll be the case manager, or I’ll focus with a business, where I become the mentor. In that brief moment in time, I think what’s fascinating is that mentorship being a mentor reminds you of where you came from, and that if a person, that is kind of a guiding light and a guiding principle that I think all professionals need to remember Somebody used the phrase climbing back down the ladder as a good example you got up the ladder. The APR is a perfect example. I just recently got my accreditation in public relations. Felt more confident to do. I know definitely something to celebrate, especially since that test was harder than my master’s. I remember you looking through that. You’re like this is hard act. It’s stacked, yeah, and very detailed, very detailed. So one of the things that somebody else that had their APR I had a mentor in my APR, carly Massey was amazing from Zandy National Labs when another APR, nancy Partridge, said I really appreciate the fact that, crystal, you climbed back down the ladder to help anybody else that needed to succeed. I was willing to do that and I never thought of it in that visual. But at the same time, I wasn’t so far away from the bottom of the ladder to begin with, because I just recently got the accreditation and that shit was hard. So, of course, to me it was just natural to go back down and help somebody that needed that advice. And so I think that’s what’s great about being a mentor or finding mentees or connecting the dots to a mentor and mentee, because you absolutely cannot forget where you came from. Can’t forget where you came from. 

Jace: 28:37

And there’s such a detriment to oh yeah, yeah, there’s nothing that like. I did it now move on and onward and upward. In that regard, it’s like no, that’s silly. 

Kristelle: 28:48

Yeah, oh, I remember specifically when we were talking about this one club that I’m in. There’s a lot of egos in that club, a lot of egos, incredible club, incredible contribution to New Mexico and I thought to myself why is this club so not humble? Why is there so many egos that need to get in check here? And I realized there’s no mentor or mentee capability connection, something there that will really humble people back to their roots and I hope that they have this. I hope nobody wonders who the hell is that club that Grissel’s talking about? I won’t say, but I think in the future there’s gonna be some significant changes, not from myself but from the club as a whole. That’s really gonna bring them back into that whole mentor-mentee type of relationship. 

Jace: 29:36

It’s that continuous circulation of experience, of wisdom, of knowledge and in being in the role you’re actually better Like. By being a mentor, you’re a better mentee, and vice versa, and there’s that sense of you don’t have to be that far down the path, you just have to be further than the person who is needing your help. 

Kristelle: 29:55

Sure, it’s like the black belt system in karate, right? Yeah, we have a really great client over on the ABC side. He’s Korean and he wanted to create his own Dojo Martial Arts Academy and we were very fortunate enough to be working with him and I thought about it. And he mentors students all the time to get their black belt and he’s very serious with them. And he sat down with my son when he was a kid and he said if this is something that you’re serious and you wanna be in this club, you have to take it seriously and you have to be here pretty often. If your parents can’t be here with you, you gotta take the initiative to do it on your own. And I thought about it and I said not only was that really great for him to do, but then we talked about you always have to be three belts above the person you’re trying to credential for the belt. If you’re a fifth degree black belt, you have to be a third degree black belt. Gracie Barra’s Jujitsu same thing. If you wanna be a fourth degree, bring fourth degree students in you. The master has to go back to becoming a student so you can get back to the sixth or seventh degree because of the degrees of separation. Who knew that martial arts are smart enough and logical enough to teach mentorship in that fashion? Everybody thinks it’s like kicking ass and Chuck Norris Do we have? 

Jace: 31:18

another karate kid reference coming in Cause I feel it it’s close, it’s right there, we’re circling it, it feels like it yeah. 

Kristelle: 31:23

So yeah, but in that instance that’s a perfect example, right, and some people can put mentorship into procedure. That like martial arts, that’s great. Or some people just naturally, organically do it, like Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates. Perfect example. Mark wanted his company Facebook to be just like Microsoft, to be not necessarily the most financially billion-like industry, but something that supports, and of course, the mentorship came from. Bill. Bill had a mentor too, you know. 

Jace: 31:52

Yeah anyone who says I got here on my own again, run away. 

Kristelle: 31:57

If someone, yeah someone, you probably have to be sitting ego at the same time. 

Jace: 32:01

Oh, that’s all ego in my mind. Yeah, to me that’s a warning sign for sure. Yeah, also, even though mental relationships can go a long time and can start at any point, the goal isn’t to have it forever. Like, when I work with people, I always say my goal is to be unemployed. I am not setting up a system where I have to be in that role forever for them. That, to me, is another red flag. With someone, yeah, where my goal is to teach them the tools that then they can do it themselves. And then I say, well, how am I going to know in that time, like, when am I going to graduate? And it happens always the same way, where at first they’ll bring a situation like I have no idea what to do with this, and I go okay, let’s talk through it. And I’m not like do this, we come up with stuff together, right, and we look at different angles. Eventually they go. I’m in this situation and I thought I don’t know what to do. And then I thought what would Jace walk me through? Then they’re doing the process on their own, but with me as like a little person on their shoulder, right, yeah? And then they come out and they’re like I was in this situation. Here’s what came up. Here’s what I was feeling. Here’s where I think it was coming from. Here’s what I did with it. Here’s where the results, the end and I go good, and now you’re graduating. And now you don’t need me and I don’t want to, and then the relationship will change. 

Kristelle: 33:13

Yeah, I also think about CRS’s team and CRS’s clients. Right, we have retainers, we have contracts that keep us employed and keep us on the expenses of a business, whatever that might be. But there’s multiple times where our director of client services, don Yell, has said, hey, it’s actually a good thing that you’re finally graduating out of us. That’s exactly what we wanted and we’re really thrilled to see that you’re finally at that point. There’s no harm or no foul. We taught you everything that we know and we’re excited to see you take this to the next level. In fact, there was a client who said that once. She said I hope you don’t take our cancellation personally. As difficult as it was to do, that we realized from your mentorship and from your guidance it was better off for us to have this internally and they’re still crushing it. They’re still doing an incredible job. So I know we want to wrap up here really quickly. Any last thoughts in terms of mentorship that we should take into consideration. Anybody that’s listening where to find folks that might be mentors? 

Jace: 34:22

I was just going to say they’re probably already in your life. We have people that we gravitate to. If somebody has something that you want and I don’t mean like they have the new Tacoma and I want one too, but maybe but it’s like they have serenity, How’d they get there? Or they had this great family life, but they’re also kicking butt of their business, right, how did you do that? So seeking out the people that already have what we want is the easiest way to find a mentor and then humbly asking you have what I want. Could you tell me how you did it? And sometimes that’s an unofficial capacity and sometimes we want something very specific, Like I was looking for out of the box business advice when I hired Wendy, so I went with something very intentional. Now we do the whole gamut of things, but I sought her out in a professional capacity so we can find official and unofficial in different ways In different ways. 

Kristelle: 35:19

I think, the way that I found a lot of my mentors now being in business and always very cautious Because what if you found a mentor that actually doesn’t have your best interests in mind, you find a person that’s have your best interests in mind. So I’m very careful, very calculated, very thoughtful about who I ask. So how I wanted to find my mentor in the agency world is I looked for somebody that created a company I wanted to be like and that company was Rick Johnson and company. They had been around and started in the 1970s, one of the first advertising public relations agencies in the state, when the state was just really at a Renaissance time. And I said the late Rick Johnson had passed away but his wife was around. So I said, Debbie, I would really love to pick your brain about how do you grow an agency like yours? She had no idea who I was. She remembered me in passing, but I was always that team member that would be in the shadows and I said to myself okay, you know, I I would love to take you to lunch. And she says, sure, I’m so excited and rarely do I. You’ve known me long enough now where, if I’m in front of you, I’m not nervous in front of you. I had to apologize to her and say I’m really nervous right now. I’ve met you, I’ve wanted to work with you for so long and, most importantly, I look up to you and I just really want to do what you do. I told her my story, told her the agency I came from, et cetera, and she’s like happy to help in any way, shape or form. So whenever we go through crazy challenges that are unheard of, or I asked her one time when the agency first started, I said how do you, how do you, conquer employee turnover? She was the one who gave me the idea that you really need to invest in the employee and their family, and that’s why we have such an extensive family leave, how we have such an extensive community of support around our team members, our employees. A lot of it’s because of her and awards. 

Jace: 37:26

Yeah, and the best places to work for families. 

Kristelle: 37:30

You know you answer those things all the time and I freaking forgot. But yes, best places to work, man, the Kyrgyz business is worth. Anyways, to kind of wrap it up, you know you be surprised about where you find them along the same lines, right, they’re in the community, they’re already in your life, but you also look for them after the companies that you want to model yourself under. 

Jace: 37:48

Absolutely. If they have what you want, ask them, say I need help Like that’s the biggest part of being willing to say I don’t know how to do this, and that someone comes in lovingly and says, let me see where I can help. Yep, the biggest phrase that keeps coming to mind for me to be on the lookout for, for those dangers. Let me tell you what you need to do. Oh, those are the worst. Any version of that is not doesn’t have my best interest in mind. I think they have a very specific idea of what the right thing is in general and they’re going to push me towards it. Yeah, like that. So, finding that, finding someone who has what you want already and that they’re willing to help either paid or unpaid capacity, that they are going to receive you as you are no judgment and guide you from where you are to where you want to be, while giving you the tools to do it on your own. Yep, where they’re not setting up some kind of unhealthy relationship or you need them Sure that they’re. They’re ready to step out of the picture as soon as you’re ready. 

Kristelle: 38:52

I think this is a good exercise for us to kind of transition out anybody that needs a mentee that’s out there in the world, anybody that needs advice, anybody that is in advertising public relations, about to open up their business, anybody that’s even Asian like Asians don’t have a lot of mentors just because of the dynamics of the culture. Like, I’m happy to be anybody’s mentor if they need it because they’re going to help me remember where I came from and remember that there are. You know, my shit doesn’t stink, just like anybody like my shit does stink, just like everybody else’s. Sorry, that’s why I’m always telling you. She’s like you all put on pants all differently, but it’s one foot next to the other, right? Or there should six. Yeah, there should six. That just as bad as yours. Like everybody’s all. We’re all here, right, we’re all here. And if you can lend a hand to somebody, I think it’s a great way to say I definitely am willing to be a mentor to anybody. 

Jace: 39:47

I don’t know about you and say I’m going to be putting her phone number in the in the description below Five, five, five. 

Kristelle: 39:52

One, two, three four Thanks to everybody for listening. We really appreciate the love and support that we’ve received since the first six episodes came out. Thank you to you, jace, thank you to Justin for always phenomenal producing, operating, editing, et cetera, and thank you to you, the listeners. We really appreciate it. This is the episode on mentorship, on stories, success and stuff.

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