Stories, Success & Stuff: Episode 05 Relationships
Have you ever considered the power of relationships and the impact they have had on your success? Join us on today’s episode as we share our personal experiences and stories about friendships, romantic partners, and the bonds that have shaped us into who we are today. From the unconditional support of best friends to navigating the challenges of being an entrepreneur in a relationship, we explore the significance of nurturing connections that help us thrive in all aspects of our lives.
As entrepreneurs, we know the importance of having a strong support system both at home and in the workplace. Discover how understanding the stresses of running a business and speaking the language of love can help maintain balanced and healthy relationships. We also discuss the five love languages and how applying them can improve your connections at work.
Lastly, we dive into the role relationships play in our legacy and, ultimately, what matters most at the end of the day. Learn the importance of setting boundaries, honoring the relationships we have, and growing from the ones that have ended.
Come along as we celebrate the power of relationships and the ways they shape our lives and define our success.
A Siarza Production
Hosted by Kristelle Siarza and Jace Downey
Executive Producer: Kristelle Siarza
Producer: Jace Downey
Videographer/Editor: Justin Otsuka
Get the downloadable audio version of this episode at https://www.buzzsprout.com/1913667/episodes/13091495 or listen on your favorite streaming platform!
See all episodes at siarza.com/siarza-podcast
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Follow Jace @jacedowneyofficial
About Stories, Success & Stuff:
Are you feeling stuck in your career, relationships, or life in general? Join Siarza CEO Kristelle Siarza and adversity alchemist Jace Downey as they explore the bullshit of success and excitement of failure. They’ll dive into stories from their own lives to provide a glimmer of hope and a reminder that whatever you’re experiencing, you are not alone. Through funny anecdotes and compelling conversations, they’ll show you that you have the power to create your own destiny. Tune in and learn how you can explore and shift the paths of life that lead to true fulfillment. This is an inspiring podcast about shifting paths, stumbling to success and creating a life you can fall in love with. So grab a cup of your favorite brew, put on your comfiest clothes, and prepare for untamed stories of success and stuff!
Episode Transcript (unedited)
I told him specifically. I said being and dating an entrepreneur is a whole different ballgame. We’re borderline sociopaths. It’s a different species. Yeah, Wake up, crystal, wake up. OK. so today’s, that’s where you started with the clapping. I feel like I knew some cheers. I only know, like, drinking songs. Here’s no, ok, it totally didn’t make sense. OK. so today’s conversation hanging out between two friends Oh wait, wrong podcast.
It’s like, is it?
Is that what we’re doing? Yeah, yeah, Zach Alvinakis is like off today. Is he coming? No, no, no, He’s not All right. Today’s conversation we’re doing relationships, Probably one of the more fun, exciting topics that we’ve had in a really long time, which is like
Unlike our other episodes which aren’t fun at all.
It’s OK, we only have one listener. Anyways, i’m just kidding. No, i’m really excited about this topic because I think it’s molded me as an individual. It’s really had a part into my professional life too, my personal life etc. Like, and you have some really great stories to share about relationships, which I’m really excited about. Show people your mug. I think it’s cute And I was like what does that?
say It is cute It. It says my puns are koala tea, quality. Yeah, a friend gave it to me. She and I discovered after a while of our friendship that we are both fans of. I’m going to say pun meisters, punsters. But I don’t want to put any pressure Like now I’m supposed to come up with puns, because you know folks are going to be like oh, let’s hear some puns. But she and I both love puns and we do pun exchanges often. She doesn’t live here, so we, we text. And when she was here visiting me I got her a mug that said I wet my plants. Because she’s big gardner And I don’t know why I couldn’t stop laughing at it. At the store I was like this is going to be your mug. You wet your plants.
I like how the koala is like literally doing push-ups.
He’s excited, he’s about it or she, he or she is excited.
They are very excited by doing push-ups on the tee Tea cup.
Maybe it’s like hanging on for for life. They’re pretty. I’m going to assume this is a caffeinated tea, because they’re pretty sleepy animals in general.
Yeah, and he’s got like a subtle smirk.
Yeah, it’s like pretty alert. He’s like. I see you with your wordplay. All right, lady, i like it, i like you.
Tell us about your best friend.
Well, i have every person in my life. I’m going to tell you a cheesy thing, but it’s a real thing. Every friend I have in my life, every person in my life, is one of the best people I’ve ever had in my life And I, too, am most excited for this episode. Of all the ones we’ve done so far, this one touches me most closely. In all honesty, i would not be here not here or here without the people in my life I recognized. A couple of weeks ago I was at a, i was at a grocer and I was getting into my car, i was running late for work and this woman stopped me and needed help And I’m like I don’t have time for this right now. I don’t want to be, i don’t. This is uncomfortable. I got home to, but something in me was like Jay’s pause talk to this woman. And so I did And, in short, i learned a bit about her story and she was recently homeless and you know she and a lot of it had to do with the relationship she was in. It was harmful and just all of these life circumstances that had happened And she was very genuinely embarrassed with her situation And she was so humbly and bashfully asking for help And I realized, like one, we’ve all been in different circumstances. We did not expect that had brought us to places we maybe do not feel super thrilled about. And I thought what is the difference between her and I, where I have been in scenarios where I should have been on the street, where my life should have looked a whole lot worse than it did. So I was like what is the difference, people? It is the relationships in my life that have kept me off the street, that have brought me into the opportunity for health and growth, that have bolstered me when I didn’t think I was worth any of those things, that believed in me when I couldn’t, and I just realized the. That’s it, the only difference. It’s not money, it’s not resources. The only difference between me and being on the streets is my relationships.
Yeah, Relationships for sure.
So so about your best friend Are they, have they been in your life for quite some time and time, and Yes, so my best friend, this is such a hard thing because the other someone’s gonna watch and be like wait, I thought I was, but you know, We all have different relationships and people in our lives. My friend who knows me best and who we talk every single day. You want dirt on Jace? this is the person who has all of it. His name is Eric. We’ve known each other since Austin, so we’ve known each other for many years. He also is a self mastery junkie, like I am, so we bonded over that, and he is someone who is he’s my ride or die All the way. He’s the one who’s wedding I helped plan his surprise wedding in January.
Oh my God, the tears and the yeah.
Oh, that was yes. So we actually were having a conversation the other day because there’s something that like we’ll have different things in each other’s lives, that it’s like I don’t agree with that, i don’t like the choices that you’re making for these reasons. And then it’s like, okay, i hear you, i’m gonna do it anyway. I will receive the consequences as they come, and I know that if it blows up in my face or whatever, that he’ll be like what do you need now? There will be no. I told you so There will be no. Why did you do that? It’ll just be like what do we need now to help you keep going? And I thought about it. I said why is it so easy for us to be friends the way that we are? What is it? the foundation of our love for one another? And it’s allowance. We allow one another to be as we are over all these years And we can call each other out, we can do whatever And you just get to be who you are at any stage, no matter what, and you’re supported, loved and accepted.
Did you ever have or seen that meme from Grey’s Anatomy where it was like Meredith and Sandra O’s character that was like she is my person, where she’s willing to take out the dead body with me? That has always been the underlying, not like if I ever hurt somebody with a, carry out a dead body with, but I mean who in my life can be called my person? And I love that because that’s Eric, right, that’s the person. However, i understand your family is really close to you or your other best friend is really close to you for different reasons or whatever that might be. So I totally get that. I feel that And I think that when I first opened the agency my best friend there was a couple of people that I told about the why of the agency, and there were several people I told the why And there were several people I told to make sure that they would approve of it and not get in my way or make me doubt myself. And one was my mentor, which is for another episode for sure. One was my mom. My mom was very important to me to get her opinion because not only did she need to financially help me with rent, living expenses et cetera, but my mom was a clear indicator of my level of focus and my level of attention towards the situation. She had to help me out with my son And that’s what my mom did. And so what was really funny, because I told her and I’ll never forget this conversation I’m excited to talk about the mentor conversation because that was a whole different conversation But the conversation with my mom, when I told her I said, mom, i’m opening up on my own company now It’s going to get a little scary And she goes well, you were going to do it anyways. She was like I’ve been waiting for this conversation I know you always would And it was really enlightening because then I was already at 50 miles an hour And then, all of a sudden, when she said that, which is her way of excitement, i just went full 100. Full 100 whenever she told me that situation. And then I told my best friend about it And she was just like, well, that’s cool. I was like, ok, cool. But I think we’re talking about relationships. We have our best friends, my best friend. I am willing to go up to Bathurst, take a bullet for her. I’ve been oh my god, it’s so funny I’ve been her maid of honor twice. Also some acceptance and allowance in the mix with that story, i’m sure, which is even more hysterical because I’ve planned two Bachelorette parties and she never showed up to either of her Bachelorette parties. First one was family came in town, so it was poorly timed, because it was like the day before, two days before her wedding And all of us were like, well, that’s not going to work. We were so young, even still in college, we had no idea what we were doing. The second time around was COVID.
Those are both acceptable reasons.
So that’s why she’s planning my Bachelorette party with the rest of our squad, and as a long term plan of vengeance, you will not be there. No, i should. I should fuck up the plans and be like I don’t know how I ended up in Hawaii y’all. Were we not doing it? I thought this is what we’re supposed to be.
Well, I guess I’ll just be by myself. We’re doing it Have fun, yeah.
So no, i’m excited because I told her. I said this Bachelorette party, one of the things I really wanted to do, is all of us just spend time together and get to know each other. And I said, and most importantly, none of us had a Bachelorette party like this Rage, surprises, wigs, a lot of alcohol.
Oh rage, we don’t rage. Not rage Like y’all are going to fuck some shit up Like you’re angry.
I’m terrified. People are scared that they might not last till 3 in the morning rage. That’s the type of raging that we’re talking about.
Which I’m really like. 3 in the morning, oh, my god, i know which I’m like. Let’s go. I’m not saying that that late, i know.
I’m like it’s almost 3 o’clock here And I’m like I’m tired, but we’ll see what happens. I’m hoping that they scheduled power naps, i don’t know. Oh, that’d be a boss move.
Yeah, so adults at this point? Yeah, we’ve got to be napping. Yeah, we’ve got to be napping.
We have to be napping.
And if you’ll check your identities, we’ll now be moving on from the strip club to the napping session. Enjoy the next 45 minutes of grief night.
Don’t forget your red bull, anyways. No, so I’m really excited for my not only the opportunity to spend quality time with my sorority sisters, which really built foundational elements to relationships that I had But my mom and my aunt are actually very much a part of my life. They’re key relationships too. Not only are they coming to the Bachelorette party and staying in the peripheral which is hilarious but we’re also just really it’s the core group of women around me that I’m going to see next week, which is why we won’t have a podcast next week.
I don’t know, so I might just come take over and do a random one that you’ll be surprised on when we release it.
You’re like I thought we’re on episode 20. No, so it’s five. Anyways, yeah, so I think one of the things we also wanted to talk about too, how relationships have really evolved, the different personas that we all have, right, we wanted to talk about the evolution of how relationships played a part of success, and I always talked about how the relationships for me might have been in the peripheral, not important, not with people I really wanted to be with toxic people, narcissistic people, et cetera. And yeah, we’re talking dudes, dudes, i’ve dated or anything like that, but I will never forget telling somebody once I told multiple people this in my professional life I’ve said if you ever wanted to own a company or own a business, you’ve got to get whatever’s happening at home down on lock, because if that relationship’s not supportive of you owning a business or being on your own, it’s going to be incredibly difficult. Yeah, that’s what I’ve always said.
And not only being on lock and clean and at least having some kind of system in place. They have to be on board all the way Because they’ll have to step in to help. I was doing a little consulting with a new entrepreneur this week And I was saying, in this first entrepreneurial endeavor, you are walking into one of the hardest things you will ever experience in your life. Everything you’ve been running from is about to surface And your banking, your income on it and your value and all these things. I’m like it’s a shit show that we talked about in a previous episode that people aren’t anticipating And stuff’s going to fall through the cracks Laundry dishes, grocery shopping, human maintenance, all of those things. And to have someone on board who is willing to help and just put a meal in front of you is everything Where the flip side is them getting on, you on. Why isn’t this getting done And you’re letting this fall through the cracks? And you were supposed to take care of this and you didn’t. It’s like they’re completely outside of the reality of how consuming it is to be in a C level, to be starting a business or anything like that. So not only do they have to be like. I love this idea for you, but they have to be like, and I recognize that’s going to mean you’re going to be showing up very differently in this relationship, especially in the beginning, and by beginning I mean three to five years.
Yeah, i remember when I first the night that I maybe it was like the morning after or like the following days I told Spencer. I said Spencer’s my fiance. We’re getting married in September. For those of you that are the second listener, i might not know who I am, so I told him specifically. I said Being dating an entrepreneur is a whole different ball game. We’re borderline sociopaths.
It’s a different species.
Yeah, and I’ll never forget about. There was like mutual friends of ours and I was like here’s a perfect example, so-and-so. They weren’t together because sometimes they just have to work like 60 to 80 hour days And sometimes you want your partner to like mentally be there, but they’re just not. They’re like super distracted or they just don’t feel that way. And that was, i would say, out of all the things. The schedule wasn’t a big problem. The lack of income wasn’t a big problem. The fact that Spencer had to step in as stepdad wasn’t a problem. It was whenever we would be sitting in the car and I would be like mentally zoned out. That would really bother Spencer And he’s. And it wasn’t that I was zoned out, i was focused on something else related to work, or not even related to work. It was-it’s hard to turn off. It can be very hard to turn off, and I think that’s why I’ve learned how to like mentally compartmentalize. You know what I’m doing, but at the same time, spencer wasn’t working because he was just still in school after, you know, getting out of the military. And then now it’s a different tone because he’s like his mode is always in work, right, and for the first time you know in a long time, like after we got him out today. I got him out today for more than four hours. He didn’t talk about work, yeah, so he, he started to get it right, that harmony. It’s very difficult to have a successful business because you learn relationships at work that over time it’s better to understand what relationships work can be like So you can be a better partner when you’re at home, whatever that might might look like. And I’ll never forget like there’s sometimes I I give the tutorial to to staff like hey, if you’ve never taken the five love languages before, i really recommend that you do, because we’re not asking for you to necessarily like fall in love with somebody at work, cause that’s obviously awkward. Don’t do that. Yeah, that’s a like a human resources conversation.
You don’t want to have right.
But at the same time it’s like we’ll, we’ll take, you know, one one team member, for example. this team member admitted very proudly, like I’m an active service person. When somebody does an active service for me or I tell them to do something and they do it, that’s when I know that they care, that they listen, that’s how they absorb There’s another person. that’s like I really appreciate a gift, that I’m a gifter. I like to show my love through gifting but at the same time I don’t like to receive gifts for myself. I like to spend quality time with somebody And so, like those make a chat, like meetings. you can spend quality time with somebody by having like a one-on-one conversation in a meeting. You might have somebody that that might come in and they have a better way of like communicating because of the fact that they understand, like if they need something, you’re able to get them like physically, get them something. So I think that relationships at home very much parallel the relationships at work.
So One of my best lessons in relationships was in my first business. I had a business partner and we were equal partners, solely business. There was, i mean, we had been friends beforehand, but there was no romantic anything like that ever. And I’m telling you, we both realized, i mean, i think it was the same moment, or within the same like span, where we’re like, oh my God, we’re a married couple and this business is our baby, and it really was like all of the turmoil that comes up in a regular, you know romantic relationship was there And even decisions on you know, how are we dealing with conflict? What happens when you know the baby is going through this next stage of development that we don’t know how to handle? Like it was the, the like PhD level of learning about relationships is running a business with someone. And in time we learned like, oh, we don’t, we got divorced right, we’re like we don’t want to do this And we look at raising a business very differently and on all of those things. And we didn’t have that conversation beforehand. I think if we’re talking relationships, we can’t not talk communication, where what you just described with Spencer on the when you’re with me, i need you to be with me, and then I can be okay when you’re not, because you’re you know, doing all of the other things as well And knowing like, okay, this is what my life’s gonna look like And here’s what I have to offer. Is that gonna be acceptable? Or even I went to a movie with a friend this weekend And in my mind I was rushing around his busy day and I’m like, okay, that’ll be our time together. He’s going to this movie, so while he’s driving us there, i’m going to knock out some of these emails and take care of some of the things that I’ve been putting off. So I’m like, okay, i’m gonna use that time for this. And we got in the car and I’m I start within 45 seconds, not even a minute he goes what you doing? Because he was like we’re having time together, what are you doing? And I was like oh, dick move Jayce.
This person has spent time is my love language.
And here this person has gifted me their time and I’m over here using it for work, and so that was a very selfish like I’m going to use that space while he’s driving, i’ll catch up on some stuff where he was like oh, i’ll drive us, so we have that extra time together. And it was that communication And he did it passively like, hey, i’m not okay with this situation. But I had to realize like, oh, we had a different idea of how this was going to be used. So, having that communication where I could have said, hey, i’m so glad we’ll get this movie and we can talk after the movie, but I need 10 minutes to do this or whatever. But I didn’t, i just assumed right, and so we were on different pages. So that communication is so key.
Yeah well, i’m a PR practitioner at heart, right, and crisis comes up And I’ll never forget that. There are times that doesn’t seem like a crisis. There are times where it genuinely is a crisis And I’ll be eating dinner and I get a phone call and I get an email And I just it’s the unfortunate side of business, but crisis never stops. That’s when somebody’s time reputation is on the line and it could be as unhealthy as a physical heart attack or an attack on somebody, et cetera. So sometimes, when I’m at home and I get a phone call that I’m not expecting at seven o’clock in the evening and I see whose caller ID it is, that’s when I genuinely said to worry and I say, oh, i should probably take this call. It hurts to see my family walk away from the dinner table, but whenever they know the tone, they know the tone and I said I have a crisis on my hands And they’re like, okay, we’ll be in the bedroom, you know, or I’m gonna step out and go to my office, like my home office, whatever that might be. So I think that’s one of the challenges that our family has had to learn is that sometimes the work never stops. Luckily, there was only like two or three things that have happened in the nine years that we’ve had, and even my son, which that’s a relationship on its own you know to really dive into. Even my son has said you know, mom, you do a really good job of like when you’re at home you’re not working, or you tell us when you’re working, or you tell us when you need to work and we leave you alone. Like he has told me that I do a really great job of like separating that And that’s a really big compliment. That’s something I’m really proud of, because my son was never, always around. My custody situation kind of prevented that. So you know. And on the flip side, you know his dad will say like oh, i’m working, et cetera. And Jonathan is like well, my dad’s always working, which is hilarious because you know I have two full-time jobs, he only has one. But the fact that my son complimented me, i’m like well, i’ll take it. You know, I’ll take the compliment where I can get it.
Absolutely Thanks to the thing that people we talk about entrepreneurs being a totally different breed of person, very breed, different breed. It really is something that people who are not in that space and one is not superior to the other We all here to do different things. I really believe that. But those that are pursuing a path of their own, usually you’re doing it because they have a vision or a passion that they’re called Almost at a level of compulsion for some of us to bring into the world, and that gets really hard. This was something that came up with my domestic partner in Austin where we were in counseling great, great counselor And we were going through. We were supposed to like write out our priorities and all of these things, and he had me at the top of his priority list. Now it was he showing up that way. It’s debatable, but in his mind, i was top priority And he was not my top priority. My mission and purpose were And the counselor was like Jase, i notice that your beloved is not at the top of your list And do we need to look at this? And all of a sudden I had to be honest And I said I have looked at it. I’ve spent years looking at this. This is my top priority. That does not mean I do not love him. It doesn’t mean I’m not going to show up to the best of my ability, but the truth of it is I came into the human embodiment to do these things, and if I get to love someone and have a beloved by my side as part of that, if yeah, bring it on, i’m about it. But it’s not why I’m here necessarily, and that was hard for him.
It was very hard. Well, and it was hard for me. I’ll talk about the beginnings of ABC. Abc is the Asian Business Collaborative. It’s a nonprofit focused on Asian-owned businesses here in New Mexico. And I’ll never forget, during the pandemic, which the pandemic either really broke relationships apart or really brought them together. It was very obvious that the pandemic, like, changed a lot of lives, right? Well, when you know I can’t, i won’t talk about the origin story of ABC. It’s online, asianpibcorg, right, but if you watch that donor video, i explain, you know the beginnings of ABC. But one part of the beginning that I didn’t, i don’t tell many people, not on purpose, it just it never comes up unless it’s a topic about relationships. So I remember when I picked up my lunch, the dinner that was the origin of how ABC was born. I picked it up, i went home, i ate it with my family and I said I’ve got to do this. And I said, guys, i’m about to start a nonprofit, and my guys being Spencer and my son Jonathan, and I said I have to do this, i feel so bad, i really want to start this nonprofit. And they said it’s going to be a lot of hard work And I said I know And it wasn’t that they were supportive, they were worried about me. If they were to tell me like, well, that’s going to harness a lot of time away from us And we don’t like the idea that I would have reconsidered, i would have been upset but I would have reconsidered because I wouldn’t have gotten to do my mission, my excitement, what I’m passionate about, et cetera. But they said it’s going to be a lot of work. Both of them like identically. They’re like it’s going to be a lot of work And they have been so forgiving and understanding. It’s been a lot of work, but they’ve been so understanding because it’s been a lot of work that I wouldn’t have been able to start ABC without their concern, because they were concerned about me. They were like we know you’re going to do it And you’re going to do it very well, but we’re just it’s going to be a lot of work.
Yeah are you ready for it?
Yeah, yeah, and I think that was a perfect example of like I really needed their blessing. I really needed their blessing because they knew that I was going to sacrifice time. I’ll never forget that when I was like, when Jonathan was like seven or eight, i was like, hey, i want to run for office like public service, politician work, et cetera. But in my head I didn’t finish the sentence. I was like you know, when I’m like retired right, i’m 35, like when I’m in my sixties, i’ll run for office, or maybe over time, whenever the time is right and the financial perspective is good, like I’ll run for office. And a lot of them were like I remember a lot of people are like, oh yeah, you’d be great for office, but they think that I’m going to run tomorrow. I’m like no, no, no, i’m going to run in the future. I didn’t finish the sentence with my son. I didn’t finish the sentence And then all of a sudden again my son was like six or eight, i can’t remember the number. He starts crying And I was like why are you crying? Why are you crying right now? I said what’s wrong? And he’s like you don’t spend enough time with me. As it is, you’re not going to be able to spend time with me now And I was like, oh wait, i’m so sorry. Like, that’s not what I meant, like I’m going to run for office down the road, like not now And I promise not ever. But then in my mind I’m like no, you’re definitely not going to run for office because you not now. And then ABC happened and he gave me that answer And I was like he’s open to my ideas, he’s open to supporting me, but my son’s opinion is as important as my fiance’s opinion. But then afterwards, like my son is now 15, i was like you know, eventually, over time, i’m going to run for office again. And he’s like well, i’m waiting. And I was like dude, you don’t remember when you cried. And he’s like, well, yeah, but you’re going to do it anyways.
And it’s different.
The needs of 15 year old are very different than the needs of an eight year old, but like I’ll never forget eight year old Johnson crying because that’s when I knew my priority list changed Yeah, right, and I respect what you have because I would say the same thing if I didn’t have Jonathan and Spencer in my life. Even with the wrong partner, i would say my priorities, my passions in life would not include that person.
Yeah, even with the right partner And it’s a good point you bring up I do have the luxury of not having kids or a family. There is something different about success as a single person in the world, as a free agent And I’ve been in relationship and you know, living with people and whatnot in that but it’s different And I don’t have the pressure of another relying on me and my dogs, but that’s very different. I don’t have these considerations to make And I have an equal human adult that’s making their own choices in it as well, where it’s not me putting it on them. Though I will say that that me not being, you know, my ex not being my top priority did come back to bite me in the butt in my most recent relationship, where the things that drew me to him were his ambition and his skills and talent. I mean, he’s like one of the most impressive people I’ve come across And the thing that I like locked me in is like he has all of these ambitions and he’s actually putting forth daily effort toward them Blew my mind. He’s not just talking about it, it’s not a future thing. He’s actively working on all these different areas well regularly And I was like I got to get in on this. Like can I absorb this? Is it contagious? Like can I just get?
close to it. Sure, i just have around successful people, exactly.
And I’m like I want to learn from this and he’s disciplined in all of these things And that was like top for me. I was like, wow, this guy’s really cool. I want to get to know him more. It was also the reason we split, because he finally came to his own reality that I was not his priority, this relationship would not be his priority. That he was at a point where he was deciding to put his time and energy exclusively into what he’s here to do And part of me was like I love a good cosmic joke, so love the irony in that.
Also love- I’m sorry, but like it’s a cosmic comedy, It is.
Yeah, the universe was like hey, girl, you remember this? Hey, what’s up? Welcome to being on the other side. And it hurt, but I also understood it and I respected it And though it was tough and it wasn’t you know the choice I would have made, and in my mind I’m like I think we can still make it work And is there a way that I can do? you know, and I did all the mental gymnastics for it until finally I realized I respect that And would I be okay being lower on the priority list with this person that is basically to get like the scraps of their time, and I had to realize no time is my love language, And you’re telling me right now you’re not gonna have time for me And whatever’s leftover I might get. I was like, oh, that’ll destroy me, Yeah. So yeah, that came back. That came back on me, Yeah.
And I’m like at first I was like no, don’t believe, like it’s just you’re in a different time or a different place in your life and it’s not cosmic irony, but I’m like it is, yeah, okay. So here’s my irony. I’ll tell you, i don’t know if it’s cosmic irony, it’s definitely vendor irony. So my, I was dating a guy that’s not Spencer before the company started And I would say he was my motive, he was motivating. He was not my motivation to start the company. Completely different, right, yeah, i like that It was eventually over. Like, and when I think about different, it’s like. You know how US history teachers say that if you as long as you remember presidents, you can remember history in a good timeline. That’s what one of the La Cueva teachers said. I feel both, And so I feel the same way, Like every every boyfriend’s had a mile marker or a mental marker in history for me.
Yeah, i always joke that my life is a lot like the Bible. There’s a man’s name at the top of every chapter.
Yeah, john, paul, peter and Otto, i don’t know. Like that’s understandable My dad’s not listening, Anyways. So like that’s a perfect example, right? So there was a guy I was dating in that particular moment in time when I started the company, and I didn’t care his opinion or not If I was starting it. I told him I’m going to start it. However, i care about Spencer’s opinion of success now of the company, because there’s more on the line for us as a couple and we’re all invested into it, right. So, but the fun. So here was the irony part. So I was dating a guy who’s great. So much fun, so much fun, so much fun. And Is he single now? Just kidding.
I’ll finish. I’ll let me hear the story for another day. Yeah, story for another day.
He’s married to a woman 30 years younger than him. Oh, keenoki, yes, so good for him. So he still is With genuine enthusiasm Yes, I love it and I’m way more successful than he is. That’s all I care about, anyways. so this guy, funny as fuck, he ended up hiring him as a vendor for something in the office, right. And COVID hit and we were just like I don’t really think we need this anymore, this particular equipment. And so I said I think it’s time. and I was like can I get a copy of the contract? They’re like, okay, if you wanna get rid of it, just go ahead and let us know when we can pick it up. And I was like, okay, that’s cool, we were renting it anyways, releasing it. And then my favorite line that I used to him was we had a really good run. When he broke up with me and I picked up my stuff from my house, he said the exact damn thing to me we had a good run. Mine was just tied to about $1,200 worth of time, not $2,400 worth of work over time. when I said we had a good run, i was like yes, fuck you too.
Those can feel good. I know it’s petty, I know we shouldn’t like them, but they feel good. Sorry, Sorry humanity, Yeah, 100%. What happened?
Well, and then I also, too, like I look back at the X’s that I had, which I was like, okay, this is like the perfect time. I remember one time I saw my ex in like a parking lot and he was with his current girlfriend, that they’re still together, they have a baby, et cetera.
And he’s like hey, crystal, how are you? And I was like, oh, hey, what’s up?
Long time, no see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I looked back at him and I see him looking back at me with like winking and suggesting something. Well, and it was funny because I was like, well, you’re fucking dumbass. And so, yeah, we all know how you feel about that. And then I remembered for some of you that don’t know, i actually have a 2014 Camaro. The 2014 Camaro is a baby bee, like a baby bumblebee. It’s not fast, it’s a V6. So baby bee was parked right next to him while I said goodbye or said hi, whatever it was, and I giggled to myself because I said, you know, one day I’m gonna buy a BMW and like run it into his house. Like this happened when I was like really young, it was like 16, i was so pissed he broke my heart. And then I look at him looking back at me, fast forward later, right, i see him looking back, looking at me, and then I see my car and I was like I have a way better car than he does.
Oh man, episode one for success and status and defining success.
Because sometimes the revenge is your motivator right, or sometimes it can be. or it can be like look at where I’ve come since the moment that you left, like I think sometimes those can be, especially for a strong woman, huge motivator of success, i think.
I am on very good and loving terms with just about every episode. Nope, not away from my adult life. There’s some that the disconnect they were having a really hard time with, where it was like the transitioning to friends just wasn’t happening And so I was like, okay, then you’re not an appropriate person to have in life. But even my harshest breakups, it’s very related. I love this topic. Relationships are so important to me And keeping bridges when they’re appropriate to keep honoring people you know, being kind, showing up respectfully and lovingly is so important to me And I like to make sure like I don’t want anyone in the world wanting harm to come my way. I don’t want that energy where it’s like, oh, i hope you feel, because I think that shit is impactful.
So you don’t condone the fact I wanted to buy a BMW and run it too.
So I’m just kidding, Not for the sake of your car and your potential precious body. I do not love that. No, that’s okay, but so, and for me like Totally a joke from back in the day, yeah, Like now I have these allies who we care about one another and show up for one another in each other’s lives. Even if that’s just like hey, i saw your content online. you’re kicking ass. I love it, you know. I shared it with my family or whatever, like we’re all really proud of you. I would rather have that in my space than ending the blow up or running my vehicle into someone’s car right. So I know it’s an annoying thing to say, but I learned it’s a term for it conscious uncoupling. Oh yeah, i was joking with my mom cause she was commenting about my most recent break And she says honey, you just you really handle things so maturely in these situations. And I told her if only I was as good at the relationship as I was at ending the relationship, i might have some success in these arenas.
We almost actually. CRS almost represented the woman who created the book conscious uncoupling, oh cool. And the reason why Gwyneth Paltrow became so famous for it is because she read the book that I think it was like Kathleen something. I don’t remember the name of the individual, i’ll find it later, but Gwyneth Paltrow read her book Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris something from. I can vision the hippie band that she used to be married, chris Martin. So when Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin broke up and divorced, it was conscious uncoupling too, okay.
And it’s so possible And here’s my mind It’s very possible. If I love someone or care about them, that doesn’t end the moment. That that scenario ends Like I’m a Virgo, once you’re in, you’re in for life. Like that it’s hard to get in, but once you’re in, it’s an all access pass for life, unless you act foolishly And like I do have boundaries and things now. But I’ve learned, like you don’t know when you’re gonna need someone And like you don’t know what scenario you’re gonna be in. And the more people I can have that are willing to support me or just want good things for me, the better. Because, yes, i have my inner circle of people that I talk to every day and that know absolutely every deep, dark secret and things like that, and people who know every deep, dark secret but I won’t talk to for months or like years, and then you come back together and already it’s just like you’re in the middle of a sentence, like that’s. And I’ve learned, i think about it And I know we’re gonna do an episode on this Spoiler alert That at the end of my life, the thing that will have mattered to me most are my relationships, are the people.
And we go and we ask people how many books are there written about people on their deathbeds? And we look back and it’s like what mattered to you And it’s not how much I worked or whatever. It might be legacy, it might be their purpose fulfilled, those things, but relationships come up at the top for most people’s list, and so I’ve learned to start honoring those now which is very difficult for me, but it pays off even So. You know, you know I love Charlie Bear, one of my doggies, and the truth is he is 15, time is coming within the next year or two where he will transition on And basically his whole life I’ve been terrified of this, but especially since he had double digits And I know that will be one of the hardest things in my life. I mean, this dog means more to me than anything. You can check out my talk online my best, worst decision, all about this, dikey. But I’ve started planning and a big piece of that is reaching out to that inner circle and saying I’m gonna need you to drop everything. I will not be able to function. A part of me will go. Like I always say Indiana’s my heart and Charlie’s my soul. A part of my soul will leave me. How do you get through that? And so it’s calling on my relationships to say I’m not gonna be able to stand. I’m gonna need you to do it for me. And now, even though I’m so like breaks my heart to think about, i know I don’t have to go through it alone. I know I’ll have all the help that I’ll need. I know that these people will and they will, they will drop everything in their lives to come stay with me, to come do my stuff, my friend in New York is like I will come do your laundry, like whatever you need. I will tell my boss peace out, i gotta go. My friend’s hurting, i gotta do her laundry.
And he will.
And so that’s where I’ve recognized life doesn’t stop. Conflict in life doesn’t stop. Challenges, the trials, all of that stuff’s gonna keep coming. It’s a human condition, it’s why we’re here, for whatever reason I don’t know, and the thing that makes it bearable and possible for me, it’s your relationships.
Yeah, So it’s funny that you and I won’t touch up on Charlie Bear, because he’s the most adorable thing in the world. Where we differ is like it’s not the relationships. For me, the relationships are a very big part of my life too, but I see it as a reputation situation, right, like I don’t mean to be a people pleaser and I don’t want to be a people pleaser because if somebody disagrees with me, i’ve been naturally trained to say well, discourse is good, right, so I actually don’t talk to my exes because I think because there was one rule that Spencer said to me and people like well, did he tell you not to talk to your exes? And I was like, no, actually, it was more like a golden rule He gave us and I adopted it and I appreciated and I love. And he said treat each other the way that we want to be treated. What would you do? I always he goes, i always wanted to operate. Or I asked the question. I was like if an ex ever called me and an ex wanted to like, start talking again, how would you feel about it? And he goes treat me the way you would want me to treat you in the situation. And I was like, okay, yeah, yeah, no, i totally like that. Right, i really appreciated that because if, let’s say, for example, i was to hear him talking to an ex or woman that wanted to come back in his life, like of course I’d feel very uncomfortable about it and he said the same thing. He didn’t say the same thing, but that’s how he, i had operate, that’s his golden rule. I was like, okay, cool, that’s right. And I purposely have left, like I make, i make Capricorn die hard definition Capricorn stubborn, very hard lover, like meaning or difficult to love. But when we love we are so hard headed because we are just the ringer, like we put people through the ringer and I and it’s the Ram sign in us, right. And so I think that for me, like the relationships, we Turned every stone. Every guy that I’ve dated, we’ve turned every stone. It wasn’t just like, oh, you’re ugly, so I’m just gonna break up with you, like they was never like that, none of them ever was. It was just more like We’re gonna hold each other back if we stay together, but if we continue to chase each other, even after we’ve ended it and decided to become lovers, we just can’t do that anymore. It’s not good for us anymore. Nine times out of ten, the guys have been broken up, have broken up with me, which I appreciate because I’m too chicken shit to do it. But the times that, but the time, every single time that somebody’s left me, i’ve learned so much about myself, yeah, and rebuilt myself. That’s why I actually celebrate it when people are like, oh, i’m single again And I’m like, yeah, let’s go, like I I think I told this on a previous podcast I, a woman, said I got divorce and the first thing I said was congratulations. And I felt like such an asshole, yeah, because I was like Well, i’m saying congratulations because it’s a new life for you.
Well, i mean, it was new meaning, yeah, and if it needed to end and you made that choice or it happened like only great things, like on Order and upward is my most recent ex and I say for each other and to each other on an upward, on whatever.
Yeah, and so that’s why I think you know when it could. When it comes to relationships, like I, i value the relationships I have professionally, without a doubt. Like I, i’m asked to serve in this. I’m like my two roles in life is to help people and create jobs. Right, like I really want to help people, i really want them to be successful and I think my natural, my natural place of happiness is connecting people, and so that’s where I see relationships really being a part of it. But at the same time, like I would when you talked about how like, what are the things if I left tomorrow? You want your relationships to be intact and those are the things you treasure. To me, it’s like the legacy, right, what legacy do I want to leave? What do I want my obituary to look like? it’s the greatest factual story that anybody could ever write about you right, Except that most of them are. Written by a family member, i’ll say not factual, necessarily at all obituaries.
Yeah oh, people flower it up at all the things like I just want someone to be like this guy was a real son of a bitch, like that’s oh my god. Can we true to yeah, yeah, like everyone’s, the best ever of all time, once they die.
Yes. So I’m like, oh my god, we can get more into this in our depth episode. But, yeah, yeah, but but going back to like, you know for me, what are the? what are the importance of relationships for the, for the feeling of success? I think that you know, if he take away right, it’s having the right relationships in business are great. from a networking, from a Connecting your employees, connecting for a quality of work, like networking, is something I do every day. However, i think that the best entrepreneurs are the ones that are able to not juggle I hate the word juggle I say maintain the relationships in the workplace and the relationships at home. Those are the folks that I see really successful is that they can go home to something that makes them happy, whether it be their dog, their cat, their wife, their husband, their partner, their kid, whatever that is Like. they might have had a lot of trials and tribulations, but as long as they can go home to something that is a quality relationship that brings them happiness, that to me is the level of success. I see that and I admire people when they get to that level.
That’s that holistic success we’ve talked about 100%. It’s all of it where you go home and it isn’t just like well, now my work day is done, but it’s like you have something to celebrate in life, which does come through people, and we often forget that connection is a basic human need, just like food and water. Without it, we shrivel up, even actually die. They’ve done those studies with babies who are never touched and they actually go downhill and they don’t make it. Yeah, so that human connection is so important in every area, especially when we’re talking holistic success. We can’t do it without, and I’ve come to learn and this I remind myself of often, especially from my stubborn I’m going to reinvent the wheel and maybe it’ll be a less good wheel, but it’ll be my wheel. So, ego driven in the past And I tell this to my clients all the time we can survive alone. We cannot thrive alone, nobody can. I don’t care how strong you are, You just can’t. humans aren’t designed that way. So when we’re talking success and what’s needed for it, I don’t know that anything else is higher on the list than relationships.
Yep, 100%. That is a perfect conclusion to today’s podcast. Really appreciate the time as my co-host. The next subject we have very different subjects that we’re talking about. One we’re really looking forward to is gender. Right, what does gender play a part in success? I know that’s a really big one. And then Which?
also shifts up how relationships are handled too. So 100%, i can’t wait for that.
And then one of the other ones is that I’m excited to talk about. soon is Monday. I know that sounds really like awkward, but like why Monday? Like the day Monday can cause greatness or shittiness within 24 hours. Mondays are important, yeah.
Speaking of relationship, continue yours with us by liking, subscribing, following us here. It super helps grow those followers from one that Crystal’s convinced we have into a community. And we have moms, and we have moms. Yeah, one in our moms and our two moms. Thanks for listening and thanks for watching.