Ever feel overwhelmed by life’s chaos and wish you had a simple way to regain control? Navigating life’s “shitshow” can feel impossible.

Join Jace and Kristelle in this week’s episode as they discuss how to manage stress in uncertain times. They explain the importance of mindfulness and taking time to pause, breathe, relax and recognize that not every situation is a crisis. They’ll dive into the how to avoid the internal shitshow with practical tips for calming down and diffusing tense situations. Learn how to be kinder to yourself and use tools such as mindfulness, environment-setting, and self-acceptance to identify your true state and take action accordingly. As always they use their unfiltered stories to help listeners discover their own personal path to success. Welcome to the shitshow!

A Siarza Production
Executive Producer: Kristelle Siarza
Producer: Jace Downey
Videographer/Editor: Justin Otsuka

Get the downloadable audio version of this episode at https://www.buzzsprout.com/1913667/12962550 or listen on your favorite streaming platform!

See all episodes at siarza.com/siarza-podcast
Follow us on FB, IG, TT, YT and TW @siarzatheagency
Follow Kristelle @kristellesiarza
Follow Jace @jacedowneyofficial

About Stories, Success & Stuff:

Are you feeling stuck in your career, relationships, or life in general? Join Siarza CEO Kristelle Siarza and adversity alchemist Jace Downey as they explore the bullshit of success and excitement of failure. They’ll dive into stories from their own lives to provide a glimmer of hope and a reminder that whatever you’re experiencing, you are not alone. Through funny anecdotes and compelling conversations, they’ll show you that you have the power to create your own destiny. Tune in and learn how you can explore and shift the paths of life that lead to true fulfillment. This is an inspiring podcast about shifting paths, stumbling to success and creating a life you can fall in love with. So grab a cup of your favorite brew, put on your comfiest clothes, and prepare for untamed stories of success and stuff!

Episode Transcript (unedited)

Jace: 0:00

The breathing is the way we communicate with the brain and the body. It works both ways right, and so, even just pausing and taking those breaths, we have oxygenated our blood. We can shift from that sympathetic to the parasympathetic. We’re actually moving, changing in our body from a minute, three minutes of breathing. It’s like while you’re pooping, like you be in there for a minute or three, like do that while you’re pooping, it’s fine Like we have time for it. People are like I don’t have time, You have time. Put the phone down Like don’t scroll, like do your breathing for a few minutes, Like that’s. It’s not gonna be that hard. 

Kristelle: 0:35

Well, my mom and my aunt booked the hotel for us for the bachelorette party. Nine of us, oh, wow, totally free The whole weekend. Nope, like yeah, you have to do like incidentals or like bullshit, but like totally free for the hotel. So each girl is traveling to Vegas $700 tops, wow, for three days. Are you guys in with the mob or No, we’re not. I mean, i mean, maybe I don’t know, Don’t, just don’t ask questions. Yeah, so it was like $700. Did I tell you the whole bachelor situation? No, it’s going to be a shit show Today’s conversation. I okay. So I asked him. I was like, please, i would really love a bachelorette party, but please don’t tell me anything. They’re like make it a total surprise. And I was like, yeah, that would be great because I’m busy planning the wedding. And then the company, and then ABC, the nonprofit. So it’s become a total like nonprofit on its own. The girls have board meetings They call them B-PAC meetings, with bachelorette party meetings. Okay, they have an Excel sheet of all the expenses, packing lists and itinerary. Everybody’s done a little bit of everything, which has been really kind and really incredible. Everything’s already paid for. 

Jace: 2:02

You have exceptional friends. These are fantastic people They have and there’s the secretary, the president who is the major in a water? 

Kristelle: 2:11

and then a treasure. 

Jace: 2:14

Have they been keeping minutes? 

Kristelle: 2:15

Yeah. 

Jace: 2:16

Yeah, they have. This sounds like it’s gonna be a lot of fun. These sound like some fun ladies. 

Kristelle: 2:23

I’m really, and you’ll meet them right at the wedding, which I’m really excited about. For those of you that don’t know, i’ll be getting married in September And the bachelorette party has been much more, i guess, organized because I don’t have my life organized right now. So the girls have been full blown planning for this bachelorette party. That I’m like. They’re incredible. I love them to death But, gosh dang, did they have this whole thing Like? even Spencer was like you have a board. 

Jace: 2:56

Can they come and just like come into my life for a month after you guys get back. Can I just hire them in my life to do some organizing? Yeah, they get some things going. They’re amazing. 

Kristelle: 3:06

I would happily lend over my people, so, but yeah, i know they definitely. One of the things I think has really been kind, like you know, i know today’s topic is the shit show, but one of the things I think that’s really cool is the fact that, like every single one of them has told me, this is the one thing I’ve been really looking forward to And it’s been bringing this whole party and party planning has brought a lot of joy into my life over the last several months. That I said to myself I was like, well, that wasn’t my plan. My plan was just to have a really good time, but I wanted to bring everybody together. This is the first time any of us have actually had like a traditional shit show of a bachelorette party. So no social media pictures later, like, i’ll see what happens. It should be a good time. 

Jace: 3:55

I’m curious how you’re defining shit show, cause with this amount of organization, it sounds like it’s gonna be like a super amazing trip with like a great itinerary and everybody knows where they need to be and what outfits they need to wear. Like this sounds like the opposite of a shit show for me. So how are you defining it? 

Kristelle: 4:14

So you know, whenever you go into like a game show and you have like dollar bills or $100 bills into this little like column of tornado, wind. 

Jace: 4:29

I remember that at Roller King Yeah. Okay, do you remember Roller King? 

Kristelle: 4:33

No, I didn’t grow up here so I don’t know where. 

Jace: 4:35

But you know what I’m saying. 

Kristelle: 4:36

Right, you have like a little column, yeah, and then you got money or like ping pong balls or whatever it is, and you have to like try to grab them all, but somebody flips the switch and just goes like everywhere, like the wacky, waving inflatable arm flailing two men, that’s the kind of move that you do. That to me is a shit show in life. When it’s like your life is constantly like flailing into the wilderness of an eight to five schedule. Okay, like that to me is what a shit show is. And so that’s not the shit show, apparently into the girls. But talking about it’s like with so many of us we don’t know what to expect. I don’t know what to expect that I’m like I’m probably going to end up at the roof of the Caesars Palace with a mattress on top hoping for the best and somebody rescue me. Like that’s the shit show I’m planning on. But I know that my girls will probably put like an air what the hell is it called? Like one of those little air tags so I don’t get lost. But like that’s what it’s a genius idea. Did they have? 

Jace: 5:38

something like that for drunk friends. Yeah, I think so That’s actually really smart. Yeah, I think that would actually be really great. 

Kristelle: 5:43

Anyways, like that’s what I feel like life has been for myself, and also to like here at the agency, like it has been nuts Yeah, it’s been nuts, and so that’s why that’s how I feel. Like that column of money where people are just like flailing their arms, hoping to stick things in different places and hope that they fit, like that’s what I feel like a shit show is. 

Jace: 6:04

Okay, i dig that And what I’m hearing and what I hope we’ll dive into today. in fact, i’m just gonna bring us in it because I’m coho, so I’m gonna do it. So life is the shit show. Yeah, you got flilly arm guy situation happening with you. You got stuff flying everywhere and trying to grab it, trying to hang on and put it into different places, sounding a lot like my dating life, like why do I have a $10 bill in my boom? How did I get there? And then there’s the box around it that’s keeping all of it contained, and that’s your support group. Those are your friends that you’ve just described like where you, you have a tongue going on, you’re a boss, you’re a mom, you run a nonprofit, you’re planning a wedding, you employ all of these people. You somehow also have a social life, which is amazing, and you’re not falling apart, and it sounds like the people like asking for help or receiving it is a good thing leaning on your. So your social structure, your support system, is the difference. 

Kristelle: 7:02

Well, it’s funny because I there’s a, there’s a female business owner. I really respect it. Now We’re quirky and I won’t say who it is And I won’t say what they do, because if I say it, people will be like, oh yeah, that’s so and so. But so this individual and I’m gonna make it as positive as possible because I love to be, you know, add this to the podcast positivity This individual had a perfect example, very similar to what you just said. So this individual actually experienced breast cancer. Thank God, good grace of the upper powers that be, this individual is actually. This woman is in remission And this person had experienced breast cancer. But this individual also manages like a huge office of certain people in the trade and then has an office manager and I heard this from the office manager, a really good friend, and she was just like not only did this person go through freaking chemo for go through chemo for a year and a half, but this person also had to run a business at the same time. And so the way that they described this situation was you know the patient, you know the owner, it was in the middle of the circle and have this inner circle around her that held down the fort And then the outer circle around her made sure that everything was going to be okay but caught whatever the inner circle couldn’t fix And I was like that’s a brilliant way not only to run your company, but from letting the shit spew where it’s like very it’s like it’s there, like it’s all contained, but there’s different people that you can lean on, like have you ever seen those like trust fall activities? Yes, of course Those crack me up so much, but it’s like the ones that crack me up the most. Is the trust fall? that’s like somebody like fucked up and like didn’t actually put their hand out And I was like trust fall. And then the person fell like you could fall and any, any. There’s no corners that you could like bonk your head at everybody or celebrity with the fact that somebody fell from the trust fall. 

Jace: 8:57

It was like it’s just such a horrible thing Like I’m finally doing it, i’m going to put myself out there, i’m going to try my trust this, but no right on your head, but right on your ass, right. 

Kristelle: 9:10

Like that happens all the time. So I think I think you know people that are really successful not only have an inner circle, but also have an outer circle to protect them when they fall, which I think is pretty cool. 

Jace: 9:19

Yeah, just last week I was super stressed. I’ve been in the middle of this car buying extravaganza, right This. It’s taken months that I’ve been looking for a vehicle. I had a specific one I need because I need the towing capacity, and less than the other. And it got to a point where I’m like, okay, i’ve got to get this going within this time, my loan period is about to end, whatever. But I’m so busy And I was feeling really frustrated with this sense of I just need like a little extra time, which I don’t have unless I’m giving up sleeping entirely And I just need help. And I started, i felt so frustrated And I’m like, why do I have to do everything alone? Why has my life been spent alone? And I’m out here and I’m trying, and I try to show up as a good person in the world And I’m trying to, you know, pursue these different things and this, that the other, and then I end up having to do so much alone. Why do I have to do that? And then this little voice went yeah, but do you, darling, do you have to do everything alone? And I thought, oh well, no, probably not. And so is there anyone that you have in your life who maybe has some extra time right now, and you trust them and they maybe already have the skill of looking at used items and finding quality in this, that and the other thing. Oh my gosh, of course I do. I have a wonderful friend who is is off of a gig right now, who has a whole history of finding antique furniture and all of these things, so he knows how to do all of that. I totally trust him. He’s got a great heart and gut, yeah. And so I sent him a message. I’m like hey, do you have a little spare time? Would you be willing to do a little job for me? Uh-huh, and when I explained what it was and I kind of was like oh, this is like a big ask to help me with the final stuff. You know, i’m like I’m going to send you a ton of things And then if you could go through them and help me finalize And it’s taken me hours and hours, just countless hours, and I’m like if I could just have a little bit of help in the end, yeah, and his response wasn’t like oh honey, that’s a huge request that you’ve just made to me. 

Kristelle: 11:19

Yeah. 

Jace: 11:19

He was like oh, i’m so touched that you thought of me for this. 

Kristelle: 11:24

I would love to help you. 

Jace: 11:25

This is so wonderful. Yes, jase, ok, send me everything. And he was thrilled, he gave me a clutch, thrilled to get to be in service to me And here. I am being like why do I have to do everything by myself? And the world is like girl stop. Yes, and it was like this, the dumbest thing, where I’m like pause down these stories that I have. That’s a big story for me. I got to do it all by myself. Are they real? Are they true? Do I have evidence to it anymore? I used to, because I would continue to set up my life that way. Of course, but just that pause moment, yeah, it’s like who in your life could maybe help Jase? And then it was so easy. And guess what? As of today, i bought that car. Yes, i’m done. The process is over. 

Kristelle: 12:08

I asked for help. I’m so excited to actually like see the car here. I can’t wait See the dogs in the back. Writing shot. one writing shotgun. Oh no, they’re not allowed to fancy. 

Jace: 12:18

No, that’s exciting. 

Kristelle: 12:19

Well, and I think I mean, everybody has that stubborn moment where they’re like, oh, i can do this by myself, or I definitely will. Like I, i’m in that, in that rut right now, to where I’m like I have to do this by myself. I think where I always like crumble under pressure or during, um, during collapse, is the fact that or I collapse is where I say no, crystal, you do better with the team. I don’t always have to be the center in the team. Yeah, it’s less of a shit show whenever there’s somebody with me or around me. So and I giggle about that because, um, like I think about, was it? so I’m running for another board. For those of you that don’t know, to the one listener that’s out there, i have a lot of boards on my plate. 

Jace: 13:07

Yeah, let’s just add one more. Yeah, let’s throw another one in the mix, and there’s, there’s okay. 

Kristelle: 13:11

And I say I was really like I have to defend myself. It’s like no, so people apologize for having more than one kid, i apologize for having more than one board, but this board is like okay, this makes perfect sense, like we think there’s a big, i think there’s a big business development opportunity out of it down the road And it’s actually one of the big hot air ballooning associations across the country, but specifically here in New Mexico. And I really love this board and I’m really excited to be on it with, even with all the bullshit that comes with being on a board. And one of the things I said so I’m running for special events which is I get to plan two big balloon rallies. That, to me, is really cool, especially since it can open up some opportunities. The the really the really fun thing about it is that during the meeting, or like during my, i had to give a speech of like why I would be a really good fit for the board And I have an opponent which is like another pilot, which I’m like yeah, we’ll see how it goes. You know, in my resume I said like, yeah, like I have a lot of experience in ballooning and I have a lot of experience in running events, et cetera. I said but I work better as a team. And I wrote that down. I was like I work better as a team, i work better with people, i work better with feedback, i work better with multiple people rather than one. And I said, because I’m incredibly busy and I told everybody that I was like I’m incredibly busy with these two major full-time jobs that I have in front of me my son And I said, but most importantly, what I love about this particular position is that I would have a committee. That’s amazing. I can’t do it without a committee And I’m only and I and I said this in my speech I said I’m only here because I’m asked to serve. I don’t want to serve. I asked to be served. I mean, yes, if I got the job, i would really enjoy it. I said, but there’s a clear indication that the community needs a position like this And that’s why I’m being asked to serve. But the community needs to be behind me if I’m going to do this. And a lot of people are like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Yeah, that sounds great. 

Jace: 15:04

Cause it’s like well duh, all of a sudden, yeah, yeah, all of a sudden. 

Kristelle: 15:06

Yeah, and that will minimize the shitstorm that will come out of this And it’ll also. It also puts into perspective that’s like you know. We’ve heard that the board’s not very helpful And I’ve I’ve heard otherwise. 

Jace: 15:21

I know I’m about to be like sounds great. 

Kristelle: 15:23

Yeah, i have a second position And maybe Um and and so, like you know, the thing that I’m really like going to challenge the people is like we have to get back to square one, which is collaboration and community, right? So I’m hoping that. I’m hoping that it would be a good board and I’m excited to go to the board meeting tonight. Um, we’ll see what happens if I get elected or not. If I don’t have the job, then I’m like well, there’s one less thing I have on my plate. It’s a win-win Yeah. 

Jace: 15:47

Yeah, wait, and you bring up something that took me a good long while to recognize and you’re taking about being busy. So, like you, you said I need a team. I’ve got all of these other things going on. My recognition of needing a team and wanting a team is that I actually can’t do everything. Well, i put so much pressure on myself for most of my life that I have to be able to do every position. I have to do all of them well. I have to do all of them at the same time and still be a human in the world. That was so much pressure with with business, with everything. It was just that like, well, i’ve got to do it all. One that was some past stuff of like not feeling like people were trustworthy online, well, and I tried really hard And I’ve taken so many courses and I love continuing to learn and I’ve hired consultants and I’ve done all the things to try to be the best in every position. 

Kristelle: 16:42

Yeah. 

Jace: 16:43

And then finally I went, oh, this is wildly unrealistic, yeah, this doesn’t make any sense at all. Why am I taking myself to the brink of burnout all the time and or recovering from burnout, when I could just team up with someone else who does that part of it really really well And enjoys it, and enjoys it, and they love it. And then guess what? The stuff they create is way better than the stuff I create. Because they’re not exhausted, because they, that is their wheelhouse, it’s their strength, they’re putting all their love and excitement into it, instead of they’re like I’m not doing this. I’m so tired now, all of things, yeah, and then this beautiful thing comes out of it, yeah, and it was this huge release of pressure, yeah, when finally I went oh, i don’t have to be good at everything, yeah, and and what am I good at? More importantly, what do I love of all of the things that go into this? Which part do I love doing? Yeah, and then that’s my role. And then leaving it there and like putting the boundaries where I’m able to say, like you did, i’m can’t do all of these things and I won’t, but I’ll do this really really well. Yeah, and leaving it there. 

Kristelle: 17:51

I. I remember specifically in some of the reviews that we’ve, i’ve sent in on it And then I granted I created the template, but the team kind of executes it now. One of the things that I added as a question during the review process was what do you love doing and what do you not love doing that you wish you had off of your plate, and you’d be surprised about how that. It creates two things. It creates, number one, that relief of, oh my God, they’re actually going to listen to me because of the fact I actually hate doing X, y, z And I can actually, and so that’s part number one Like there’s an opportunity to get that off of my plate. Part number two is, oh, they’re willing to listen, to make changes within my organization. So it’s less of a do as I say, do as I say, not as I do. And it’s funny, i actually was talking to who was it? I was talking to another agency yesterday and this was a really fun one and you could, you could totally relate to this. So they came to me and they’re like we don’t get it. I was like get what? How to run social media in my agency? I was like, oh, okay, and so I’m part of Counselors Academy, which is a section of the Public Relations Society of America where it’s all the other agency and agency owners that are getting together right, and so sometimes we share best practices, operations etc. If you’re an agency owner listening to this, i highly recommend it. So I was talking to this other agency and they were like hey, crystal, can you help us figure out like we don’t enjoy doing social media? And I was like, well, that sucks, because I really love it, right, and our team does too for the most part. And it was funny because as I was talking to them they said I said they said we think we have the wrong person in the wrong seat. I was like, well, what do you mean by that? And they said we think that this person is doing copywriting for like 10 different accounts, writing social media content for 10 different accounts, which you’ve done before, i’ve done before for multiple accounts. When I before I was ever an owner, i was writing copy right In a little like sell sheets. Y’all have Hey Orca, which is a huge rep, but like for us we had like little dumb excel sheets and that’s what we would use, that’s what we’re talking about, these guys. And I was like when’s the last time you wrote a content calendar? I asked them. I was like when’s have you actually written a content calendar? And I’m like no, i know, we don’t want to do it. And I was like this, this is where I was getting at. I was like don’t ask any, but don’t ask somebody to do something you don’t want to do. Don’t. Don’t tell them like don’t give them something that you don’t want to do, because their life’s just a shit show. And then operationally, you’re like well, i’m back bonking my head against the wall and I can’t understand why this is going to be done. And they’re like oh yeah, we have the wrong person in the wrong seat. I was like, yeah, that might be right. You’re hiring people right out of college thinking they all know social media. They don’t. They ask me. They’re like who do you, who do you have doing social media for you? And I was like well, this is one girl that’s really awesome. And she’s in production world And she just knows how to be a storyteller. And then there’s this she’s ancient. I did not do that, because that’s not true. You were not a woman. 

Jace: 21:04

These young folks coming out of college that grew up with it. It’s just a totally different thing. Oh yeah, And like we were doing the day of my space right Like that was our gym. 

Kristelle: 21:11

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like Tom was our first friend, i missed Tom, is he okay? 

Jace: 21:15

Has he even heard from him? He’s alright, didn’t get bought out, anyways. so you know these are park friends, the enemies I don’t know. 

Kristelle: 21:24

Okay, so I’ll check in on him later, but that’s what I’m saying Like yeah, you might have somebody that’s like you might want to have a content calendar, but give them some other duties and responsibilities. Or maybe like change up their routine So it’s not as monotonous, because it’s a burnout job. Like everybody knows that they give them something different to do. Like you, having the ability to work with me on this podcast is a perfect example, i said. But at the end of the day, like you can’t give them something you yourself don’t want to do, and it was like radio silent when I told them that And I was like jump in, jump in and write a content calendar and see how you feel They’re like, yeah, we don’t want to do that. 

Jace: 22:01

Don’t delegate that to anybody, then So how does that work with what I’m saying? And maybe it just doesn’t. Maybe you’re saying the opposite thing. Where for me, if that’s not my wheelhouse, if I was, say, in operations and that’s my jam and man, can I manage an office, But creating a content calendar is not my wheelhouse? It’s miserable for me to do. And like I was saying, like from what I was just sharing is like then I would hand that to someone who does it and does it well, And you’re saying, no, don’t do that, It just is it just because it’s something you want, don’t want to do, Or can you? can you explain it a little bit differently? 

Kristelle: 22:35

So, I would say that there was a gentleman who actually has a mobile dog grooming unit that he just started his business on And he actually has 25 years in finance. I asked him I was like do you have any experience doing mobile dog grooming Or did you ever? And he’s like no, but I learned. And I learned because I wanted to get my hands wet to know I know That’s great, mobile dog grooming. He’s like I just wanted to know the basics so I can become a better manager. And I think that’s the clear difference When you, when you’re delegating a project, and you’re like I know nothing about this, okay, that makes total sense. So, like Justin, who’s always behind the camera he’s always our third person of the podcast, right, and so if he ever came in and was like Hey Crystal, could you shoot this, this, this quick shoot for me, i would not do it as great as Justin, which is definitely my motivation to be like here. Justin, please take this Nikon away from my hands because I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. But he would at least teach me enough to know that there’s a respect, a mutual respect, for what he does. And then B I know that at least I can get the job done, but they’re. But if I want to make it better, then that’s the best way to actually move it forward and actually be better, produce a better quality. Is you hand it to somebody that’s an expert? 

Jace: 23:59

right. 

Kristelle: 23:59

So I don’t always recommend just handing it off, unless you’re like I really know that there’s an importance to do this job. I just physically and mentally don’t have the capacity to do it. That’s totally understandable too. But nine times out of 10, i always say like, like the finances, like I don’t have any counting background. I everybody knows like I am terrible at it sometimes from time to time, and but I know enough to be deadly. I actually know more Excel than anybody in this office, including the finance manager, because I know enough. Yeah, i can see that. Yeah, yeah, because I. I think it’s better for us to pass on to the duties and responsibilities to the people that are great at it, but it’s okay to be mediocre at it as an individual. At least you know how to manage it. 

Jace: 24:45

Does that make sense? Here’s what I’m hearing you say So, maybe it does, maybe it doesn’t. Yeah, i’m hearing, especially as a boss or in any kind of leadership role, to know enough of the things so that you are able to easily communicate with your people and help them to elevate it, or whatever it might be. Yeah, and being like okay, i know what you’re doing and I can speak the same language as you, so learn it. Be able to know enough to have that, that direct communication, and then, instead of shoving it off on someone because you don’t like it, like gifting it to someone who loves it and who’s going to do it really well, not like you can do this and I really don’t want to, so I’m just going to push this onto your plate. Yeah, but like, this is your skill, this is your wheelhouse. You would be thrilled if I handed this to you Like your friend. Yeah, that’s the time to hand it off, not as like a yuck, i don’t want it. 

Kristelle: 25:41

Or, as Justin says, put some respect on it right. Right, you got to respect the trade, you got to respect the skill, you got to respect the person, right. I think the respect of element, you know, makes it less challenging to manage a project or to overcome a certain thing. And I think you know respecting the person for the trade, for the skill, for the education you know that they have, or sometimes the hard knock education that they went to get to become the expert that they are delegating that type of work is an honor for them to accept or in a feeling of relief for you. At the same time, it becomes a challenge when it’s like I’m passing it off to you and you handle it, or I’m going to do it because you can’t do it the way that I want to. That can be insulting, yeah, time to time, yeah, it can be really insulting, definitely. 

Jace: 26:29

Yeah, so I’m hearing one life’s going to be a shit show from time to time, and sometimes a lot of the time that sometimes within the business it’s going to be a shit show because we don’t stop being human when we come in the door And then you put a bunch of humans in one place and then you put their sense of security in that place as well, through their paycheck and whatnot, and maybe even their sense of worth, because we tie that to our jobs too And then we’re expecting it to just go smoothly all the time. Yeah, okay, it doesn’t. That’s a formula for a shit show. So, utilizing the right people in the right role, whether that’s at work or in our lives, so using that support system, the glass box that’s going to keep them ping pong balls and dollar bills in there, so you can potentially grab them that those are key components to continuing on a path towards your own success while life is a shit show. 

Kristelle: 27:19

Mm-hmm. 

Jace: 27:20

What are other tools, practices or strategies you engage with when things just are not going well and there’s no end in sight and you’re tired and you can’t stop any of it? You can’t stop being a mom all of a sudden. You can’t stop being the leader of this company. You can’t stop like all of it. You can’t stop being the person. Yeah, so what are your go-to things outside of using your team and your support system? 

Kristelle: 27:46

I think we’ve talked about this before together, not on a podcast, but I think, giving yourself the grace and the patience I think we’ve talked about that a couple times Like you’ve got to be nice to yourself, right? We? I don’t know why I’m about to cry right now. I didn’t mean that, right, because we have a lot of people. Are you kidding? I don’t know why It’s hitting me really like that’s what I’m saying right now Like people are really mean to themselves. 

Jace: 28:18

I used to be, too. I used to be so mean to myself. That’s not necessary. 

Kristelle: 28:22

You know. And so, like I think that’s where we have to like take a breath and like pause No, i don’t make me cry, i don’t know why I’m about to cry. We were, like it took episode four for us, or five Anyways. So what here? so, going back to like when life is a turbulent tornado, i think being nice to yourself is a really critical piece, which I’m sure you can talk about too, and I’d love to hear your thoughts on this, because there’s a level of patience that we don’t give ourselves, that we’re constantly pushing ourselves, because, on one hand, we hear we can’t fail We talk about failure in our previous podcasts but we also talk about how we don’t want others to see the spinning plate routine that we have. And like I’ll never forget it when I had an old boss of mine say, life is just like spinning plates for me right now. I just have to make sure, like you know what I’m talking about. Like you have a little thin ass stick and a plate and then you just keep spinning it and then you go to the next one and you get the next one. Like I understand that he was trying to tell me to compartmentalize, but in fact, i thought that was actually horrible, because I’m going to be the dick that’s going to spark and kick those things down. Because life does that to you, right, it does. So you have to give yourself that kindness and grace to yourself and just say like, look, things are not okay, things are not okay And I need to take a. I need to take a minute and just breathe and calm down. The world is not going to end if I don’t sign that contract tomorrow. The world’s not going to end if I don’t have the job description written for the next person I’m going to hire. Life will play itself out. You prioritize where you need to, but at the end of the day, if you just can’t get to it, you can’t get to it, like I sometimes at night can’t sleep because I have 36 to 40 tasks I have to complete by tomorrow. And I just had to tell I know like that’s our lives, right? I don’t know if you have more or less. You’re giggling about it, do? 

Jace: 30:29

you have more or less. No, i’m just. I’m like I’m laughing at the the unrealistic nature of the thing you just said. Like I’m lying in bed, i can’t sleep because I have 40 things to do, but the only thing you have time for is sleep or to do those things. So, and then we try that right. But like we’re like humans are very fragile creatures. We need the sleeps and we need the eating all the time. We just have to be nice ourselves. We just have to be nice ourselves. 

Kristelle: 30:56

So I think that’s like one way just to kind of get over that overwhelming feeling. I’m also a big believer in, like mindfulness You know a lot about mindfulness and meditation. Like, i think, whether it be your religious beliefs, your personal beliefs, your profession, like professional, like time, whatever it is like, i really think shutting off your brain really helps overcoming the work. I mean, do you remember that workshop that you did, or that Zoom and Chill? Zoom and Chill is like our little activity on Wednesdays where we hang out with the team and just kind of learn something new, play a game, laugh, share stories, fill people in. But like, you did a really good one, right, you did a really good one on meditation. Like, talk about that one for a minute, because I thought that was like a perfect way, especially because that was like at the tail end of the pandemic, right, i don’t remember when you did that, but it was a really great Zoom and Chill. 

Jace: 31:51

Nice, I was like I don’t know when we’re actually counting the pandemic end at our tail end. 

Kristelle: 31:55

I don’t know how to answer that, but yeah, that particular one. 

Jace: 31:58

We went over the importance of what you’re just saying rest, rest for the mind. And we forget that in the West, especially, where we’re programmed with this idea of productivity, and you got to go, go, go, go, go and all of the things we’re talking about here that success looks like this and this is a path to it, and it goes in these orders. And if you’re outside of that, something’s wrong with you. And if there’s something wrong with you, you’re not acceptable. So you better try even harder, like, and it’s. It’s awful, when in truth, we are a machine, if you will, we. There are parts that go together, just like a car. If you don’t put gas or oil in it, it’s going to break down. You’re going to have problems. But somehow we’ve gotten into this notion that we are above all of that and that our willpower is all we need for all of the things. But that’s not true when we don’t allow our brain and body to actually rest. So not analyzing anything, not making decisions, not having to be in this mode of is that going to kill me or is it not going to kill me, which is most of what the brain is doing, that’s its tapering Every single thing you come across, your brain is going safe, not safe, safe, not safe, safe, not safe. Firefly Yeah, it’s checking for that stuff all the time. It’s wild If we actually knew like deep down. And all of our cells are communicating with each other all the time. It’s amazing. The body is amazing. I never realized it learning about stuff in school, but as I’ve gotten older I’m like oh my God, why aren’t we talking about this more? Like the brain and body are amazing, but they operate on a system of equilibrium and harmony and they’re regulating all the time. They’re always trying to correct. So when we don’t give the brain time to rest, it actually wears down. When we’re not in our you said flight or flight, which is our sympathetic nervous system, which we are supposed to spend, by the way, minutes or seconds in at a time, not live in all of the time, which is what we do in America We’re supposed to be chilling in our rest and digest our parasympathetic nervous system literally all of the time until there’s that like, what was that noise? Is something here to kill me? Oh no, it’s just my dad coming through the trees. There, we’re good And then that’s it. That should be the end of the stress of the fight or flight. But we live there. We have chronic stress in big time in the US, right, and in a lot of parts of the world now, because somehow we’re the best, so like, follow us. By the way, you should look at how much disease we have here and whatnot. So meditation and that’s I don’t even often use that term because it freaks a lot of people out right, we think about like man buns and like good vibes only And like this bullshit that goes in. Meditation is super hard And it really is just the practice. We can do a whole podcast on this, on man buns. We oh, i could say something about man buns Hey, if you can rock it, rock it. Yeah, i know Meditation and the practice of it. So really giving the brain only one thing to focus on, yeah Well, that’s the breath or word, or an image, a phrase, a vision, whatever, and then when your brain goes off, which it will, it always will Just bring it back, bring it back. Yeah, so it’s this call. It is calming because, instead of our brain going safe, not safe, safe, not safe, safe, not safe. Do I do that? What about that? What happens there? And like, then all of the networks start going to right. 

Kristelle: 35:09

It’s not just like this or that, it’s a shit show. Oh my gosh, yes, mm-hmm. 

Jace: 35:14

It just goes oh this, and then it’s like shit, show, shit, show shit show Flailie arm. Oh wait, this, and then we’re actually changing our Neuro pathways in the brain, right? So it’s like meditation, mindfulness is another way to look at there a lot of just like conscientious living. All these things. They stop the inner Shit show. Yeah, they let that pause, which gives us a Way better ability to actually look at life and our decisions. And do I really need to do these 40 things? What will the actual realistic consequences of not doing this job description tonight be? you know what? okay, no problem, i can do that tomorrow. I can fit in here. 

Kristelle: 35:54

It just slows it all down and calm it down. 

Jace: 35:56

Yeah that’s one of my biggest tools when I’m experiencing overwhelm, when I find myself like things do not feel okay, yeah, i am in the shit. This is a lot and I don’t and like I’m about to break down, simplify. 

Kristelle: 36:09

Yeah, meditation for me is one of my biggest tools mindfulness for me is it which is similar but different right, yes mindfulness for me is just like Empty right through everything that I have and and I know that you know, when we used to work with some folks in TEDx, tedx, abq, tedx, san Diego, right, a lot of the conversations would be around Mindfulness because they think that this is like new and innovative. I’m like no homie. I think that’s been around for quite some time, right? Yes, i even look to my dad as a perfect example of how he does his best to actually eliminate a lot of the chichot in his life. And you know and I talk about how my dad is like a super religious person and growing up, you know, i always giggle. I’m like, why is my dad always like kneeling in front of the altar and always praying like with our Our old cat blesses heart boots, right, boots in him would be at like every night in front of like an image of Jesus. It was a rosary and I’m like, do my dad’s like super religious and I, you know? You know there would be jokes in here and there about it. But then I thought about it. I was like, wait a minute, that was just form of meditation, that was his form of mindfulness. The repetition of a rosary, the saying the same thing over and over and over again, or Letting your mind wander and thinking about peace, or or letting that go, that was my dad’s form, dad’s form of meditation and mindfulness When I was growing up, not realizing that’s what it was, because my dad has gone through some bullshit in his life, my family has gone through bullshit in their lives and I just never really realized that that was their form of mindfulness. So, you know, going back to the fact of like, okay, if I was, if I was a seed level, or if I am, you know, currently in this position, or if you’re listening to this podcast, you’re like life really feels really overwhelming right now. I think, just taking a step back and just saying, like how can I change my environment so that way I can have something, not feel like that fight-or-flight instinct, or even like What’s it gonna hurt to empty my mind for two minutes, right? 

Jace: 38:08

Which is super effective, super gotta be this big thing, but it doesn’t. It doesn’t. One minute, two minutes, yeah, it really. Three breaths Even change. It actually shifts like we think, like oh, breathing It’s very elusive, like what are you know? like, oh, you’re taking breaths like that’s it. Breathing is the way we communicate with the brain in the body. Yeah, works both ways right. And so even just pausing and taking those breaths, we have oxygenated our blood, we have we can shift from that sympathetic to the parasympathetic. We’re actually moving things changing in our body from minute. Three minutes of breathing Is that while you’re pooping, like you, you be in there for a minute or three, like do that while you’re pooping, it’s fine. 

Kristelle: 38:46

Like we have time for it. 

Jace: 38:49

Like I don’t have time, you have time. Yeah, I put the phone down like don’t don’t scroll, like do your breathing for a few minutes, like that’s, it’s not gonna be that hard. They get it open, but hey, you know what? 

Kristelle: 38:58

no, i know I appreciate it. I will, like I’ll never forget about the pandemic. We talked about this in previous episode. I was like, oh, the end is near, our business is gonna shut down. We had a great run right, and I remember specifically going outside to like my little backyard patio when I lived in in this old house And I would just sit there and I would just like fold my arms and I would just like watch the sky. Mm-hmm and I would sit there and I would just like completely watch the sky. I would have employees going like are we gonna be okay? They would be messaging me there would be clients coming in and saying like we don’t know what’s gonna happen, but we’re also just gonna go fly by and fly, you know, see what we can do, but we probably are not gonna pay you this month. Like within a week We had 10 clients say I’m sorry, we’re not gonna be able to pay you this month. And so I just sit outside and just like I remember the little trees that we had in the backyard And then like it’s a beautiful sky, and then I would just like I remember specifically, like just watching the clouds go by and I was like I could be in a lot worse shape right now, because my business is about to close because of the pandemic and I was fortunate enough to know that, like, out of all the agencies That were in town, only one of them folded Because they all found resources. But you know, specifically for me I was actually at my happiest during the pandemic because there wasn’t that pressure. I was able to really focus on things. That’s when ABC was born, or you know, there’s a lot of tragedy and sadness in the world, but I was able to really focus on the thing that I love the most, which is my family and my personal sanity and the company. Like I was able to focus on the company. So, yeah, no I. I so to this day say to myself I’m like mindfulness really can save a person, can really really save a person, just to calm down, rest, relax, chill, kind of go from there and come into reality. 

Jace: 40:50

We talk about oh yeah, I’ll be a lot yeah, where I’m thinking of an instance last week where someone in my life is buying a house, or they just bought one and They had been doing some painting, and then they put the paintbrushes in the shed And they’re up in the mountains and then it occurred to them later that they might freeze overnight because it’s winter, it’s still very cold, Yeah. And then there’s this I don’t know how much mental energy went into should I do the 45 minute drive up to the mountains to get the paintbrushes out of the shed, put them in the house so they don’t freeze, then do the 45 minute drive back, And I was like, just get some new paintbrushes, if that’s the case, I know. And it was like this huge thing which was then referred to as a crisis, Oh no. And I said I no, no, like this. This is a crisis Like one. You’re doing some great things in life if this is your big cry. But I was like this is not a crisis, but when we get in that stress bubble and buying a house and all the things she is, she’s in a ton of stress that she could be using more tools for. But to each their own, yeah. And then we, we things get really small, where then these things are like oh my God, it’s another thing, and so it’s huge, because we’re in that everything’s out to kill us mode of the brain, yeah, so when we can pause, take those breaths, when we can get into a space that feels really good for us, using that, like you said, choose an environment that is calming, that helps us collect, maybe people were around that like, oh just, you have people in your life, you’re like, oh, just, feel good with you, using our resources, which can include all of these things, and all of a sudden we realize, like you know what, maybe they’ll freeze, maybe they won’t freeze, maybe I’ll just get some new ones, maybe I’m done painting anyway and I don’t have to do touch up and we could just realize there’s so many more options than this or that or that it’s a crisis, And maybe we even come to realize that things aren’t quite the shit show that we initially perceived them to be. 

Kristelle: 42:43

So lesson in public relations and I’ll make it quick Like lesson in public relations not everything is a crisis Right. As a PR practitioner anybody that’s listening, the one listener not everything’s a crisis Right. And so what I’ve learned is that we get phone calls from time to time. They’re like this happened and it’s X, y, z, a, b, c, d, and this is how I’m going to do this, this, this and this And I just say, okay, let’s take a quick breath for a second together and let’s evaluate it. I don’t discredit what you’re telling us. However, if it was a crisis, we’ve actually had to categorize the types of tears of crisis, so that way, the client gets some kind of feeling of saying an understanding, not just a fake feeling, like a genuine feeling and understanding that what their situation is is not going to ruin their reputation or ruin their bottom line at the end of the day, because that’s what really a crisis is If somebody dies in their business, if somebody is, like, physically hurt because of their business, goods or service, if it’s a recall, or if somebody like genuinely talks bad about the business where they’ll no longer be in business tomorrow. That’s what a crisis is to us, right, right, but if they’re like the client, this customer was just so pissed about the fact that we served a penne pasta with spaghetti. I don’t know what to do. 

Jace: 44:05

Why would anyone do that? 

Kristelle: 44:08

We just got to tell them look, I’m sorry, it’s not a crisis, Just please talk to your operations and fix it. Yeah. 

Jace: 44:13

That’s really what it is. 

Kristelle: 44:14

We’re not trying to discredit me and asshole, but it’s like, it’s true, it’s like not everything has to be a shit show. 

Jace: 44:18

Yeah, yeah, just bringing that into check on, like schema things. Yeah, where does this land? Yeah, so I’m here using your team, yeah, which we’re going to talk about building a team in an upcoming episode, taking time to just get outside of it, whether that’s breathing, whatever it’s going to be, being in acceptance, yep, that sometimes things are messy and then that’s okay. It doesn’t change anything. Being nice to yourself. I was just saying being nice, being kind, patient, pouring all of that grace on yourself. 

Kristelle: 44:51

Crisis, not everything’s safe Yeah. 

Jace: 44:53

Is it actually a crisis? Is it actually a shit show? Yeah, and undoubtedly there are other tools, but those are great ones to start with. 

Kristelle: 45:01

Definitely great ones. to start with, thanks for joining us. This is Jason. Thanks for joining us.